birthdays..

would anyone ever know?

post Christmas

Boxing day was saved by Sis. Yes, I called her and boo-ed my woes out and she helped me by getting to her maid agency, we spent the morning getting through the maid. And headed for brunch before watching Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. I had originally thought that they'd be modifying the chipmunks too much and won't be able to bring out the true flavour. But as it turns out, it was entertaining! I especially love the songs they sing in a cappella and detest those hip hop songs, althought they look extremely cute dancing.
Will the soundtrack be worth buying?

.....

I've anticipated the day to come and it became one of the worst day of the year. It seems to me that my spouse cannot live without a helper. Without any meaning to complain or whatsoever, I did most of the housechores. The children can tell that I am doing alot and tries to do their part voluntarily. The spouse also does some but really, I clean, mop, wash, dust, cook ... amongst Christmas preparation for his side of party (traditionally, I'd buy, wrap the presents, cook a dish for the gathering for his family). This year, it's just too much pressure for me to do everything in perfection. The maid was schedule to come back on Christmas eve. Honestly, I don't know what happened. We bought a return flight for her and it's holiday so there is no way to check if she actually board the plane to Singapore. The spouse literally went into shock and complained how badly I handled the maid thing. We made a mistake by not buying insurance and if she came back but go missing, we'd need to cough up 5k. I told him that there is really nothing that we can do except to move on through Christmas and I will settle everything on 26th. He gave me hell on eve, not wanting to go Church but was "force" to attend because his nephews are going. He made tons of critical comments but I also had to add fuel to the fire by opposing to his critics. He was mad, I was mad. I tried to loosen him up and when he didn't, bullets from me start flying. The was quite a bad Christmas eve.

Christmas day came and I thought by morning, it should be okay. After a swifty clean up of the house, I started to dress my girl up so that we can get the stuff ready for the christmas gathering and as I was ready to go, he announced that he wants to have time to iron his clothes! because he had no work shirts to wear! @#$%#$%
There was 2 pants and 4 shirts in the ironing basket. He has at least 20 shirts in the wardrobe and no lack of pants, I even handwash his underwear so that he has the best! I made some really nasty comments and sulk. He did not make any point to make the suituation better and I decided at the point to sleep through the day. I was really tired. However, I had hoped that he could convince me out of it when he decided to give me the appreciation.

He didn't and threatened that if I didn't start for the gathering, he would boycott going to MY family gathering. That was it, we cold war and verbal fought from 10 am to 8.30pm. My children were already at the gathering so that really gave us lots of time to fight.

We've made up but even more so only when I called the airline and confirmed that the maid did not board the flight. He managed to cancel her work permit. I brought in a temporary maid and basically I took care of ... whatever needs taking care of.

And just for records, during that afternoon, I ironed all the clothes.

Christmas 2007, it'd be a day I want to forget.

woes..

Woe to being a modern woman.
With so much freedom, comes so much responsibility.
Woe to being a modern mum.
Expected to work like a man in office, yet worries for the children's future.
Woe to being a modern wife.
Knowing sexual needs yet cannot bring it all up after all a hard days work and hard night chores.
Woe to being a modern lady.
Experienced life but therefore need to be all rounder - beautiful, immaculate yet able to deal with housechores like magic.

This is Christmas 2007. A bitter one.

Wise words

My niece just finished her GCE 'O' levels examinations and during this holiday, she starts work at the airport. Her mum complains about how late she gets home. Knocking off at 11.30pm and reaching home at 12.15am. The daughter says that her mum is paranoid. The mum says it's so dangerous for a young girl to be home so late alone and they are not depending on her to bring home the dough. Mum kept nagging on about her nonchalant attitude towards safety.

I remembered my teenage years. Those days were when there's identity crisis and curfews to deal with.. and my cinderella cut off time? unrealistic 11.30pm - then I thought. I needed to work to feed myself then so I really felt that my parents were unreasonable. There were events I had to attend and they always end late. I had only teenage sense (which is equivalent to no-sense) at that time and was raving mad at my parents.
I thank God that I had a good friend who is slightly older and wise. He told me to that trust from my parents needed to be earned.
Feeling upset that he didn't understand that I was earning my keeps and that gave me the (false) rights to take control of my time. However, as his wise words sunk into my thick head, it made perfect sense. I somewhat managed to convince my parents with the details of my work and things I am doing out there. They started to give me more control of my own time and began to be less intrusive.

These set of words goes a long way. At work, I started to appreciate how I handled my parents and applied to my bosses, job interviews, sales calls....

Coming back to my niece, I said the same thing to her. She appeared irritated too but well, let's hope these wise words passes on.

"Power" Christmas Song

My LJ blog mummy friend put this up in her blog and this song gives me so much memories to Faith AG!
This song never fails to get me all teary. To think that we are like ikan bilis to God but yet He gave us the best Christmas gift.
This song is probably one of the most inspiring whenever I feel really depress, feeling thoroughly like the man hung, crying in the rain. Because of His love, I walk on with loads of strength.

Jin's blog

We Are The Reason
David Meece

As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love

I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

He is my reason to live


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei8QF40luzc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITYx4QhIEWs&feature=related

New York City revisit...

New York City this time feels like a totally different experience from the last time I was here.

My colleague who was here with me, gave me all the insights to shopping. REAL shopping. Century 21, Macy's, H&M.. her choices of designer tags for shoes, bags, clothes. She demostrated how heavenly NYC is for shopping. I totally agree with her!

After she left, my hubby joined me. He had packed all the NYC's sightseeing areas. From downtown - where Chelsea, Greenwich Village, Little Italy, Little Chinatown. To uptown - All the huge buildings of BIG brands at 5th Avenue are ... the architechure of it all blows me off.
Midtown is where we stay and Central (train) Station is. click, click, click.

Central Park walked through, Metropolitan Museum of Art toured, MOMA seen from outside. Rockefella is so different from Empire.
Yeah, we sure did a lot in 1.5 day.

That's all for now for NYC.

Next - Philadelphia, here we come.

For Nathan

I feel bad for spending the day being laden by marital woes yesterday when I really
should be celebrating Nathan's actual 10th birtday.

10 years ago, blogging and phototaking has not birth but my son had.
10 years ago, if I had invested what I did in my son, I could be rich - materially but not spiritually, emotional and all intangible benefits where I don't know how to start describing.
10 years ago, I look at the wailing infant and wonder if he'd ever grow up. This kid certainly did. Brilliantly too - all mums are bias.

22nd Oct 1997...
Woke up at 7ish morning to kiss Daddy whilst he got ready to go to work. Lie down and dig face in pillow to get a few minutes more to laze. Little did I know that was the last morning for several years I could do the same.
8.30am - wash up and read a book. There were never really hunger pangs whilst having you.
10am - got ready for Gynae check today. We are seeing Suresh Nair at KK hospital almost every week now cos you are now about 39 weeks in gestation. You are not as active but I reckon it's because you are getting bigger and there's little room for you to move in there.
11.15am - there should be a lot of babies this year, judging from the usual 2-3 hours wait before I get a 20mins consultatation from Dr Nair. Oh, Jenny (Dr Nair's nurse) called and it's our turn!
I casually mentioned that you weren't as active as before and wanted him to give me the affirmation that it's normal. He kept quiet which is not his norm. Then, he looked at me and asked if I'm ready. Wow, so this is it?
He told me to prepare and be back at 2.30pm, the first thing I did was call your Daddy (on public phone). Since he's in a fluster, I gave specifics - to go home and change first, bring my already pre-pack bag and meet me at 2.30pm.
12pm - I took the shuttle bus to Bugis Junction and ordered lunch. We had a hearty meal, a bowl of black chicken soup and claypot rice. I did a little window shopping to try to calm my excitement.

I know that life would be different but was curious how much changes could it be. I wondered random things... How you look like - the scans were black patches and honestly, I see nothing. If I could slim down after that. If I could breastfeed you successfully. If you had hair. If you were fair like Daddy or darker like me. If I could do normal delivery. If you'd have good friends.

2.15pm - called Daddy and he's on the way. I told him I'd wait for him at the register counter.

He arrived and we did the paper work and stuff. I was told to go into the pre-maternity ward and was strapped down and linked to a machine that will monitor your hearbeat. I was then told by the nurse that she will insert a pill into me to induce birth.

My heart stopped for a minute. Why wasn't this explained earlier? Okay, I didn't ask cos I was swallow in the knowledge of giving birth but not totally ignorant!
Anyway, after the initial confusion and feeling let down. I let myself be cool about the entire situation. With the machine making rhythmic beeping sound, my lunch digesting.. I er.. slept. All I can say is that I know that I'm in good hands.
Poor Daddy had to wait outside restlessly and I'm not sure if he had lunch or not!

6ish evening - the nurse informed that if I had any contractions yet. I am aching from being strapped on for a few hours and had not felt anything else so groggily I asked "how does contraction feel like?". She looked pretty peeved before she went out. It was honestly a genuine question. She could have been more obliging.

They are pushing me to the delivery suite. Newly renovated, beautiful equipments and very comfy atmosphere.
A pair of handsome couple walked in and they told me that they are going to check me. Whispering that I was 4cm dilating. I felt pretty uncomfortable that these housemen checking my *ahem*. so I asked if Dr Suresh is here anytime soon. They just gave a silly smile and mumbled yes or something. I was there thinking that why do I need all these people to check me when I paid for a specialist Gynae.

Sometime later, a midwife came in to check and grunted that I'm dilating increasingly. Oh well, I thought that was a breeze, I had no contraction yet but I'm dilating!
*Nathan, you may not understand it now, you will when your wife tells you about it.*
She carried on her normal routine checks and then turn to daddy and told him to go for his dinner first. Giving birth takes a long time. Quite unlike movies eh?
And he did but promptly came back with newspaper, almost like in less than half an hour.

I feel a slight ache from spine but had no idea if it was due the earlier condition of being strapped.

8ish evening, I smell trouble when this midwife comes in. She swiftly did her routine and push out the drip. Before I know it, she held my left hand started poking. It hurt really bad! So bad that I teared involuntarily. I SWEAR! then the darn nurse said "cry what, later give birth more painful ah". At that moment, I felt like screaming at her but I didn't.
After several pokes to get the drip into my system, the needle was crooked which means the thin flesh and never below felt really twisted and the pain is excruciating. Before I could recover from that, she asked if I've pee-ed. I gave a questioning "huh" but does not mean no. She promptly shoved a tube into me and got the urine out. It's really painful and it also felt degrading. I screamed at her for being so rough and also gave her a piece of my mind cos I'm in such a pain before the actual contraction that I lost my mind.. and temper.

She looked as if she's deaf but walked out with my pee. I bet she had a smirk on her face.
Aftermath, another pair of interns came in. This time, I shouted at them as I could no longer stand being abused and lying there and could do nothing. I tried to close my legs and told them to get out. The only next person I want to see is Dr Nair, whom I've paid as a specialist not a consultant. Which means, I should not have been treated that way!

They had no choice but to walk off and daddy just quietly ask me not to offend people in the hospital.

Dr Nair came in, looking fresh and all. He asked in his smooth voice if I was alright, I was tempted to rant but I did not. I just asked how long more. He checked and congratulated me for being 10cm dilated. I told him that I felt some pain from spine and he says that that's contraction building up. I remembered my epidural and asked for it. He says that it's too late to administer and I should have ask for it earlier. If I had known what to ask for, I would have known how to deliver! I could now only live on gas (and the drip that was still hurting real bad).

10plus..night. The contractions were coming in very strong. So very strong. Daddy took out his little book and remind me of the breathing techniques. Honestly, in desperate times like this, all I could do was mindless. They ask me to breathe gas, I breathe and the spasms of pain pass through whilst I was "high" on the gas as I was not allowed to push you out yet.
The contractions duration became shorter, the pain more intense each time. The temptation to push was so strong.
Finally, at one point, I was denied of the gas and was asked to push you. You are ready.
The next thing I know, you slipped out and Dr Nair showed me a glimpse of you and your *ahem* to make sure you are the boy we've been expecting. I thought they were going to give me the gooey looking you. They cleaned you up whilst daddy gave me assurance that I did well.
They wrapped you up in a little bundle and pass to me. The first thing I said to you is, why are you so wrinkled up. haha. You really looked like an old person.

the nurse curtly told me to start latching you on so that you will learn to suckle and my breast will condition to nurse.

so there, that's how it was my labour day and your amazing entrance to our family.

Cheers to you and may there be many more celebrations to come.

about marital fights

we've been doing alot of verbal fights these days between us. I hate it but I've been trying my utmost best to ignore it. It's been like for 8 months already.

Perhaps because there is a bugging resentment in me and when I say it, he does not want to acknowledge it at all.
My temperament is always been on the hot side. To me, I've been calming that alot, it takes enormous effort to do it but he expects it and I do have the feeling that he takes it for granted and does not appreciate.
On top of that, he always gives me the feeling that I can choose to be flexible in my job arrangement. It really does not matter to me to give more to the family but don't treat it like I'm a full time homemaker! I resent the fact that I'm doing everything and contributing to the dough too.

His priority differs alot from me. To him, he is already giving me support by fetching me to the run. But my brother in law not only sends his wife there, when they saw her coming in, they were cheering for her excitedly. Me, I was all alone when I came in and broke into cold sweat cos of my tummy ache and he wasn't there. I was very disappointed and I kept a straight face throughout the entire day and brushed it off my mind till he mentioned that he saw his sisters coming in only after he saw his brother cheering in his wife. I then mentioned that I was really sad that he and the kids was not there, what he answered could have made me fume but i didn't. He said:
1) he did not know where the end point was - hello, I wasn't the first participant to come in, who is he kidding?
2) he had to bring the kids to eat breakfast. He knows that I won't blame him if it's anything to do with kids.
3) he had to go through the science work my nephew had done. At the run? I pity his nephew and wonder why he had to do it during that time.
4) It's hard to lug 3 kids around. Saying as if they were only toddlers, I don't buy this.

I give up hoping, in fact, if I hadn't. I won't be able to sleep with him. Perhaps I have too much expectation. Perhaps I wished he had cared a little more and don't give excuses when he did not.
For now, I'm trying to focus on his plus points so that I can appreciate him more than resenting.

New York, New York..

So it's approved and all confirmed. I'd be working on an event next month in Manhattan and work in the office for a couple of days... then it's holiday!

And hubby is coming to join me for this trip. We'd be roaming Times Square, fifth Avenue, central park. Visit MOMA, go up Rockefella centre and perhaps attend a broadway play. He would be doing the liberty cruise, perhaps go to Empire State Building, check out Gound zero near my overseas office on the days when I'm working. We hope to find White Castle joint to see the rave about the square shaped burger.

That's only the first part, we'd head down to Philadelphia, Washington DC then to Buffalo to see the famous beautiful Niagara falls. I'm really excited!

PLUS! we'd be in time for the madness sale at the outlets just after their thanksgiving holiday! I sure hope everything works out perfect.

kids questions

I am trying out the telecommunting scheme every Wednesdays. Last week, I had breakfast with my girl and she asks the strangest questions.
- Why do babies die in the stomach?
Her question took me quite by surprise and after answering her. It got me thinking on how I just wanted a normal, healthy baby then and how I've progress to demand so much more from her now. There are times like this that brings me back to the equilibrium. What are the essential moral education and when will it be too much to ask when I try to push her to do more than she wants to. I could be too loop sided sometimes in trying to think that it's their potential but I need to be more sensitive in not going on to lose the bond over the eagerness for their success.

When I asks why the question, it's apparently just another topic her friends and her discussed.

hmmm....

Then, my son asks me yet another strange question after our jog last evening.
- Do you put money in CPF?
- How do you do so?
- How do those who has their own business put money in CPF?
I thought it strange since it really doesn't affect a 10 year old very much. This is more factual so it's much easily tackled. He shrugged when asked why the questions, saying that there are just this hype over CPF monies and he just wanted to know the basis of it.

It's times like this I am amaze how "grown" they are and they are really thinking kids, not babies anymore. At 10 and 7, they curiosity and attitude are at the next level.

wow.

look-a-like meter

my sis put this up and I thought it'd be quite fun too to try to do the matching..





I have stronger genes?

On controversial topic

A colleague (also a fellow bro-in-christ) sent me an email he had sent to his friend/cousin on coming out his closet.

His friend referred to this blog http://theonlinecitizen.com/2007/09/10/toc-exclusive-otto-fongs-open-letter/which inspired him to be silent no longer about his sexual identity.


I once posted a blog on how disgusted I felt on the award winning movie, brokeback mountain and hurt a fellow blogger unwittyly. In all honesty, I had no malicious intentions. I just unleash personal thoughts and feelings about the film. And I have real life gay friends and we respect each other.
Am I considered shallow to not understand/befriend and (or even try to) accept homo or bi sexual? Am I term as "self righteous" and believe that God has had made man and woman but do not confuse either. It's always yay or nay, in or out, this or that. Not wishy washy half hearted or in betweens.

To put into some perspective of similar sin
I don't accept my luke warm attitude towards my faith too and it's digusting to be worldly christian. However, because I recognise that, I seek to be better and hope to be proud to face the God I serve when the day comes.
I believe it's a sin (as according to bible) but I sin everyday too. Sin is still ... sin. I am not above them not feel that I am more righteous than them.

My colleague correctly wrote about this topic "To a Christian being gay is like someone who is ill. We hate the disease but love the person. I believe once a gay person accepts Christ as his savior and Lord, and knows he is made righteous with God not by his own works, but by God's own works, the gay person will be healed. Jesus' blood continually washes the believer of all sins. A gay person once accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and savior will be forever saved, even when he is still a gay. But I believe his healing is not far off. In a way, God is the only true friend of a gay person. The world will never give grace and mercy to a sinner - any sinner, not just gay."

This has also open my understanding to partly why there is exasperation towards my bs group. Thank God for his wisdom.

growing pains...

"The reality is that pain is there to tell us something."

Grey's Anatomy, episode Living the dream



Oh, how true.



When Dr Bailey operated on the little girl, Megan (i think) who thought she was a superhero, she says that these are the times when we appreciate what pain brings us. It protects from harm.

It is however insane and inhumane and crazy to want to be in pain all the time. And when pain happens, there's no solution. We just need to breathe in and out and hope that pain subsides with time.

~

I'm totally exasperated.
with my girl and her P1 maths. She sometimes add when there is a minus sign or vice versa. Godspeed.
with my bibile study group. Mandated leader does not dictate causing too many indian chief.
with my hubby. ask me whether i want donuts. knowing him, i said no. he called again 10 mins later and said there is no q, ask me to buy or not. I said go ahead then. He commented that it's troublesome to lug the box home. DUH!!! then bloody don't ask since there is little intention! TMD!
with a product person who acts helpful in front of my sales people. Gives one word answers when there a need to gain his expertise *if any*.. I'm exasperate, remember.
With myself for wanting to go back to doing sales. I am in serious mid career crisis. urgh.

.... my menses is not due till next week, why am i so easily irritated?

What comes after Sinning

Sunday sermon was by John Ng. He is one of my favourite speaker and for a simple reason - very easy to understand so that I can try to apply in my daily walk.


He was preaching on Psalms 51. Relating to the incident where King David committed adultery as well as murder due to the sin of covet.
This verse reminds me of a chorus that I love to sing everytime I feel burden with the things I know I cannot do but yet do..

Creat in me a clean heart

Create in me a clean heart, O God
And renew a right spirit within me
Cast me not away from thy presence O Lord
And take not thy Holy Spirit from me
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation
And renew a right spirit within me


As much as I feel some relieve or uplifting from the song, the guilt in me still eats into me. Convicted and condemn at the same time. What John had preach did a large amount of assurance.


Restored and Recover

Not in the way of losing sensitivity and compassion. More of that to know that His precious blood and mercy has already redeemed us. So often, I take the restoration but forgot to recover (renew a right spirit within me) and that holds to a certain short term view towards future work for Him.

Fall of a modern 'great' man

In the same King David's context, John spoke about Jim Bakker , I know nothing about him as he is somewhat a legend in the 80s, some says that he is the world's most famous fallen tele-evangelist. Now I know what is the big hooha about the death of Tammy Faye .. What touched me about his story was not Jim but Billy Graham. Billy Graham visited J.Bakker when he was a prisoner, when the whole world wants nothing to do with Jim. The moment Billy Graham sees Jim, He hugged him and tells him that he love him (with the love of God). When Jim got out of prisons, Billy Graham paid for his house and car. Emotions crept into me, I felt alot like Jim. Although I was never at the height of public but I felt as human as Jim. Billy Graham is somewhat supernatural to demonstrate such love which only Jesus had shown.


My story

As a church youth leader, I did alot of things that was socially accepted. Don't get me wrong, I was also growing spiritually. However, my human nature is very weak and I still fall - and by grace of God, not many know what I have done. When I went to Australia to do my degree, I fell and I fell really hard. I engaged in pre-martital sex and realised that I was pregnant only after my then-boyfriend (now hubby) has come back after his finished his course of studies. He was also attending my then home church.

My mum had remitted monies for my school fees for the continuing term. The only thing that kept me going was my faith. I believed that although I have failed God, He still loves me and He will make my path straight again. Not as immediately though. I used my fees monies to buy me a one way ticket back home. Thank God that my partner in crime was supportive - bless him for his sense of responsibility and genuine love for me. He stood by me when I had to face my family, they had made things pretty ugly. Their demand made my status with my in laws really look bad. You see, I worked from my days since P6, IMO, I was a low maintenance kid. I had no tuition, since Sec 2, I paid for my own expenses including allowance. I paid for my own Poly diploma, gave my mum $300-400 per month - for future dowry she claims. When I wanted to go overseas to do my degree, I asked for the "dowry savings" and I promised to pay back after I finished my 2 years studies. She refused but accompanied me to take up a loan. It was very stressful for a 20 yo to think of all these, but I did. I got a guarantor on my own, borrowed a certain sum of money and went. Quite determine to come back with a vengence but God knows better. He wanted to mould my character.
My parents pushed my head further into the waters by asking my in laws to give $12000 hard cash. So that the loan is fully paid. For my dowry, I was given my commonwealth bank book - left A$2K and a very old chain with a jade with the shape of a fish.


For the first time, I knew what was called nothing-ness. I know abandoning. I know real friends. I know what is needy. I know the differences of advices.


I was needy - for sure. I had a bank account which I couldn't really use. I had $0 under my name except CPF savings. I was at the state of desperation. And for once, my mum gave me $50 out of pity.
But God gave sufficient. He gave my then-boyfriend a job so that he could pay for $336 for a pair of wedding band which we really wanted. Would anyone ever know that we cried over it because we were reprimanded for doing so? In that status, we should be whatever others bestow upon us - a pair of gold rings which costs $100 but we'll never wear.

We still went ahead to book a $3000 package which comprise of a wedding car, the bouquet on the actual day, the photos, the shoots... We live poorly but blissful. We also stuck on to God. I learnt from then not to depend on human strength nor human friends nor even family.
Hubby's friend, Desmond and his wife Wendy was someone who saw us through and through. Their blessings came in manifold. Desmond was my on-site camera man. His wife encouraged me, stood by me, told my parents and parents IL about God. Together, they helped to piece the missing pieces during our hardship. Bless them for shining through like ... Billy Graham. Most times, my home church die hard friends were not with me. they appeared on my wedding day, was my "sisters" and they did their best to bless my marriage.


My parents IL did all they could -worldly, to make a feast out of it. They took me in, gave us rental free home to set up our "nest", did my confinement, looked after my first born for us with whatever allowances my hubby gave - whether it be $400 or $600, they did the same. During those times, it was difficult. The learning curve was so hard.

From a person who has an opinion to someone who can only take opinions.
From a person who have a control of things have nothing.
From a person who can be carefree, now laden with loads of cares and hurts.
From a person who could make friends easily, now withdrawn because it's too painful to tell the story. To lie, depreciates the character so it's best to keep to oneself.


Our marriage also tasted it's downs. I have pre-post natal blues which hubby cannot really understand. Hard for him to take it all at once. Thank God he didn't become depress of something.
What you see now is a result of building up from scratch and with a large amount of God's blessings. Everytime I look at Nathan, I thank God that I did not take the easy way out to send him back to Heaven before he had a chance.


Now, after 10 years, when the dust has settled... Everyone says how blessed I am with a pair of children who is already so big. I agree, not without God's blessings. I can't relate to all of those who asks why I have children young..but I always say that the result looks good but the journey was really testing and tough. There are times now when I take things for granted but never without God's reminder.

With the victory and recovery over sin, I can relate when I sing about His amazing love. About God making the way for us. About standing amaze in His very presence. Amen..

About Cats

Hubby dislike cats, kittens. I had to come to his "rescue" at each appearance of a cat when we eat at the hawker centres.
We went to Ubi to have our Sunday lunch, Natasha spotted a grey striped kitten and went to it. The poor meow is thin to its bones and its right eye is infected. Tasha was talking to it and I can simply see her heart melted for it.
To distract her, I told her we will come back to check if the kitten is there after our lunch. She was totally easy for lunch, gobbled up her lunch before I can say hocuspocusdoddlelillydiddle.
She waited restlessly for me to finish my food as she was not allowed to visit the kitten on her own.
Alas, the kitten was still there when we returned. I told her that her daddy will not allow her to bring home. And the kitten is very sick already. I didn't expect that she would feel so much for the meow. Her tears came down. I cannot bear to see her that way because I am a softie when it comes to stray kittens too.
She tried to talk her daddy into rearing it but (expectedly) hubby will not be persuaded. She then returned to her seat and quietly sobbed. Not the sulking kind though.

It striked me that it's another milestone for her. She had never ask for pets, everytime we visit the shop where the hamsters, cats, rabbits are so cute, she will never ask to get them home. Perhaps because we already have a dog at home. But for this kitten, she simply could let go and I could feel so much compassion from her for the stray.

perseverance

I just did a course on written communication skills. Never too much to relearn or learn new techniques. The exams ended earlier this afternoon which explains my being home early.

Someone near my block is constantly playing the tune of A thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton - one of my fav song. For the half hour I'm here, the person repeatedly played on at least 25 times. What perseverance to get it perfected! I wish sometimes I am that determined.

toggling

I've got some post at life journal. Why so?

b'cos i cannot get the media embed here, I manage to get a few posts at LJ with uploaded video! Or perhaps it's only me who cannot do it here...


otherwise, i like the feeling of seclusion here at blogger. So thus this blog.



I have a dry cough and losing voice. The doc was not able to affirm what's the exact cause, there is no pain in/out my throat, there's a slight swell on the right tonsil that causes the dry cough but it should not have affected my voice box.


So I've decided to log into mails from home and try to work after this early morning's conference call with the US folks. Just in case my virus becomes lethal to some sitting nearby. Try to work? because most applications are still accessible only in the office.



Perhaps it was due to stress teaching the little ones. Nathan kena big time chastise from me. He is an achiever but hell of a lazy bum.
I found out that his chinese 造句, 作文, 写词.. workbook were not done. One of it left a teacher's remarks 不要懒惰. There were so many time and chance to finish up on Friday, Sat and Sun but it was simply left undone. There were several (too many) 改正 that was not done too.
I am one who believe that one person's success attributes from 80% hardwork and 20% intelligence.



I hate to be labelled a "Kiasu" mum. I honestly wasn't trying to boost his results up. He did really quite well for his mid year. All in the band 1 region. tis time, it was more of my believe. I firmly believe that having the right attitude, right morals and right religion goes a long long way. God dictates how the children will live their lives. I only have but the stewardship role. I cannot and won't condone to laziness.



Ms Tasha on the other hand gives us a different challenge altogether. She is loving and can give some wit answers at times. But she's fond of lying. Okay, fond of lying is rather heavy. She's lies quite a fair bit. Not sure why that nature but it should really be nip very soon if not immediately. It is so natural for a person to lie under pressure to perform, right. Did I force that, perhaps.. let me take a recent example, I asked if she is okay with the guzhen lessons, she says it was all good. How was I to know that she had weakness in rythum unless she does not feel that she needs to excel in front of me. I honestly did not impose any standard on her guzheng. I even bought a set for her to practice at home. Perhaps my natural high expectations has taken a toll on her.

tasha and her $800 package guzheng

In terms of acedemic, she is rather poor in grasping concepts for Maths. I am so leaving this to hubby. I might come close to strangling this poor girl if I teach. haha. that is how little patience I have with my own kids. I wish God would pour more of that fruit on me instantenously rather having to mould this trait.

I wish I was more easy going, let loose, live more carefree. But most times, I tend to care more than I should. It's funny how parenting makes us do. We have no qualms in buying anything for them, $800 guzheng, $130 for piano lessons, $400 for the classical piano (2nd hand). Bird's nest for them - easily a few hundred bucks. Dong cong cao, Ginseng. Whatever expensive items you name that will make them grow into well adjusted, educated, all rounder, I'll get. Sometimes, even to the extend of getting the cheapest quote around for Ninetendo Wii, one of the reason why we've not got it yet. When they were younger, the time was the biggest sacrifice.

Is it all worthwhile. yes, I believe it does. I don't mind what i've given to them and have not thought of getting it all back. I just want to have sensible, well adjusted kids. In all hope, to make this world a better place.

This maid thing...

is driving me nuts. I animated over lunch to a colleague on what happened last night with my maid and I confirm it in my head that I should not be relying so much on her.

Over the last one and half years of hiring her to do the job, in fairness, she had been rather quick to pick up the skills which I wanted her to. When she is in the right frame of mind (not thinking of her own home problem), she handles my housework and kids okay. She does not steal or see other man (I hope). Although I tell her not to make friends, she disobeyed, I have yet to really nip it.

But every 4-5 months, she will act up. She will give me attitude, talk back when I told her that the work is done incorrectly. And it really makes my blood boil when she does that. She quite so often has done the exact opposite of what I expect of her. And it usually elevates when she calls home and thinks that her mum is not managing her send home funds - like help her dad with his medical fee.

It happened again, starting from last tues when I find it strange that her dinner presentation was bad. I suspected that she must have called home again and got affected by her family. But I kept mum and observed her. Then yesterday, Natasha had a fall and scraped her knee. With that, there was a small open wound and very dirty feet. I instructed Natasha to wash up the wound to avoid infection but she forgot. I have not even undress for the night as I was packing other stuff and she asked Natasha to change into her long pants pajamas, which Tasha blurr blurr follow instructions. I was mad at both of them so I reprimanded both. Natasha quickly changed into her short pants and I turn to the maid and asked her why she tells my daughter to do the wrong thing. It was not the first time she was told that wounds needs to be cleaned up. I did not have the time to do it immediately that's why I was mad that it happened too quickly and wrongly! She answered back that it was Natasha's fault. When I say that she was responsible for the wrong, she stared and "gin" at me - giving my attitude to tell me that I have wrongly accused her!!! My blood was definitely boiling at 100 degrees at this point so I ask her to get out of my sight, she answered back " so you ask me to go out one huh!". I fummed and I think my blood pressure must have gone up to by leaps. I pulled her shirt and bring her to my hubs and asks him to talk to her because I would slap her anytime.

When I cooled down, i asked her to point out what is going on. She admitted that she called home to find out that her dad is "tortured" under her mum. She says that she wants to go home to rest and bring her dad out and stay with her grandma first.
i told her that she's free to go but continued to nag at her because I was thinking of the hard work of training her and I have to start all over again.
My hubs hit the jackpot by showing her that if she continues for another 7 months, she has XXX amount. If she goes back now, she'll have to pay her air ticket and have only XX amount left. How much help can she give her dad with the XX amount now.

Before I slept, I felt I was stuck. Let her go and I have to train another one for another 3 months, may have chance that I have a problematic one too. Let her stay, I cannot be sure when she acts up again. Argh, the pain.

She apologises this morning and tells me she wants to continue to work. I just told her off that if she acts up again, I will not nag or hesitate to let her go and went on to work.

I called my Father-IL to go to my place to check on my girl so that I am assured that things does not go out of hand - just in case.

I am gonna do maid hunting again. Not so confident in her this time, compared to the last time. Perhaps it's because I have been alot nicer to her her yet she gives me such attitude which I cannot forgive so easily. when she first came, I set alot of firm rules so I may not be the easiest person to like at that time.

Aiyah, this is so frustrating. As a work outside home mum, I am just so helpless. I love my kids and I love my current job. There's gotta be some better way to handle this trapped situation, except, it might cost me alot more too. *sigh*

what a weekend!

Natasha is such a darling, she took some materials which I was preparing for Sunday school and started to do her father's day card for hubs.
As it turns out, it was a touching piece of work. My hubs got his affirmation of being a great dad from his little girl. The card says he is great because he teaches her everything! I am jealous. I didn't get anything that will jerk my tears on mother's day. heh, but I'm glad that my hubs is a great dad in the eyes of my children.
What I was really please with the little piece of work was that when she did it, she asks no one for help. At 6.5 years old, she has proven that she's independent and loving. Plus she can write passages on her own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
I never really know when is the dumpling festival. Every year, the only thing I know is to eat the delicious dumplings my MIL makes.
Some years ago, I tried to make the dumplings but always fail the last part of wrapping. It is really difficult and I gave up since. This year, I am very determine to get at least one out by myself. So on Sat, I set my mind, my soul, my hands to take on the task.
It took me 3 hours to finally accomplish the last step of wrapping. And I only did ONE. My skills needs lotsa practice. My sisters-IL and MIL had already done 170. haha, sounds like a loser hor. Hubs had to rub it in and told me to practise with sand. er horkay... growl.

The weather yesterday was so perfect. It was windy, non humid, dark clouds but no signs of rain.
We went biking at our nearby park. I rented the double bike and rode it with Nathan. We spent a great 1.5hrs being friends. Natasha and I did a 15mins ride on the double bike and she talked non-stop. haha.
They enjoyed it so much that they hope we can do it again.

We headed for dinner at trusted Pu Tien restaurant

Only at the orginal one. It's the second time we went back to the place. They provide valet parking, free corkage and good food with reasonable price. Another thumbs up for them for performing under stress. It was so packed with people but yet the quality of the food was only slightly compromised. We had:

1) Hing Hwa Combination Platter
2) Bamboo Herbal Prawns
3) Hin Hwa Fried Mee Sua
4) Deep Fried Duck with Yam paste
5) Fish soup
6) brinjal with pork floss (new dish)
7) fried bun with pork strips
8) sweet sour pork with lychee
9) Sea cucumber with vegetables

We wanted the home made bean curd but it was a sold out. too bad.

For 14 persons with the above dishes, we spent 390 bucks. My MIL was worried the bill will be about $500 plus, judging that the food was really yummy.

There was no pic taken because I was too hungry since we biked before dinner. Also, everyone was "snatching" food cos dinner started at 8pm.

The slight drop in standard was the mee sua. It was not fried the way I wanted it. I like the dry version but yesterday, they gave us the wet one. The fish soup, was not consistent. The first one we had sometime ago, the soup had more flavour. It added some fried dried scallops and shallots. There was none found in the soup yesterday although it was still yummy.

the food pics I took the first time we were there..

what the heck...

Before I posting lesser in LJ and more in my blogger site, I could have been appear slightly more different then and now.
I still post in my blogger but I've decided to post a little more in LJ since i like my new layout. I also wanted to try out the new posting experience. There's a few extra feature which I thought was really interesting. And I still read up most of the LJ mummies blog.

the unfortunate thing is though, I am less concious of what I post. I used to be rather careful of what I post but since blogging elsewhere, I realise that this is a larger community.

Like the one I posted for brokeback, i say what I thought, point blank. No holding back. Tell me that I have bad grammar, heck. I can't spell, heck. Don't agree with me, heck. My post is messy, heck.

Okay, that being said. Please don't get me wrong. I am still a nice and sweet person when you are the same :)

Life's like that...

Besides some white hairs that persists on my head. I sometimes get into self denial that I'm in my 30s. Well, there is always little harm to think you are 28 as long as I behave resonably mature... err, right?

Then, I am slap with the reality with two instances and am reminded and a little more persuaded that I have grown wiser being in the 30s.

1st incident:
The exits from the trains are mostly on the right side of the station and makes the train station at Pasir ris more crowded on the right than left. I wanted to top up the value of my transport card when I realised that the woman 3 persons before me ain't getting no where. I quickly take a peek on the other side and saw no persons blocking and made my way there. It takes approx 8 mins to finish the transaction of topping up. At the 6th min, the lady in her 20s whom was queuing before me came to my left side machine to get her single trip refund. Her friend chided her for not coming to that side earlier (I then was about to turn and saw the other side still as crowded and people does not want to leave the queue to get their transaction done on our side). Then the lady in her 20s replied with loads of pride and slightly raised voice.
"well, some gals have boobs and some have brains, I rather be the one who has boobs."
Alrighty then, my head was replying : I'd have both, thanks very much.
That's is what women of 30s wisely thinks.

2nd incident:
one popular joke about ugly women was this guy went for a blind date and the partner turned up rather unpleasant to the eye. He sat there gentlemanly and down 4 glasses and beer. With each beer, the date becomes prettier and prettier. At the 4th glass, the date has great figure and celebrity looks.
I was standing in a peak hour MRT cabin when 3 .. well, boys in their 20s decided to boost how much they know about gals. Because it was crowded, my back was turn against them. But they were right behind me and spoke pretty loudly.
They lament that with the selection they have, how would they be able to procreate *ahem*. One commented that he has to get himself drunk everyday to get himself to bed with his wife if that's the case. Another then described the joke (as above) to another whom sounds like a Thai.
On the 3rd station, I managed to get a seat and as I sat, I faced them. Alas, they should really look themselves in the mirror. Like Piggy in the journey to the west, a chinese proverbs says: Piggy stares at the mirror, inside and outside is not human. Same thing applies to these boys in their 20s. Please, you are no hunk nor sauve. Nerd, pimply, stout and bad fashion sense - the girls you get suits you well. Thank you very much.

My hubby is watching Pursuit for happyness and I realised that it is the best show to play for Father's Day next week. They can comprehend the child care Christopher (the young boy) goes to, the exasperation Chris Garner felt, the love he wants to give his kid. My hub is feeling all that now.

Hakone - without Mt Fuji

We travelled by bullet train from Tokyo city to Hakone. To see the place proper, for S$50/adult and S$25/kid, you have a 3 Day pass that allows you to take whatever transport - train, cable, sea, bus around the area. The highlight here is Mt Fuji scenery, the hot spring mt, the hot spring spa resorts and delicious set meals.

tokyo pics

I really shd have invested some time to do picasa much earlier *slap forehead*. I find it tedious to upload pics one by one and had been looking to doing collage for my pics and now i did it within an hour.
the pics from tokyo - 25th May to 27th May.

Back from Holidays

Holidays always seems so short, especially when you want to enjoy more.

Have been back to work on Monday. We reached home by cab at 1.30am on sunday. we slept till 10.30am and decided to do a feast on Prata brunch. the kids and us finished up some 4 egg and 4 cheese pratas and some indian rojak, milo dinasaurs and Teh Halia. Yumzzz.

still sorting out the pictures and I found that my ex-Nikon (now Nathan's camera) takes quality pictures compared to my look pretty Sony.

Japan has been facinating and fun but ohhh so tiring. Most of the time, hubs is the one who was get people on the right track to the right place, like a semi tour leader. By the 6th day, hubs seemed to be saturated by the planning and the directing so my nephew and me had to try to decipher the messy train routes and by doing it independently, it had certainly taught us Japan places well!

the good bits:
We totally enjoyed our days at Universal Studio, Disneysea, Disneyland, the stay at Sheraton at Disney resort. We spent some little time at a nice park with that great weather, did some shopping and window shopping at Ginza. Eat and walk the fish market. We caught up a friend who had worked in Japan for some time.
There were lots and lots of opportunities for train rides. At least for a long time, we won't lament not having to be able to travel by train before. Furthermore, the trains were efficient and comfortable.
I was pleasantly surprised that the people there are much more civilised than homeground.
Oh, and bonus was that my Nike mary jane served me superbly well!

The favourite thing I gain out of this trip was that I got to know my children alot more. really quality time spent together...

Nathan at 10 prefers to be with his cousin friends so most of the time, he'll look for their company. He spends his money rather wisely when it comes to buying souvenirs and such. He gives cool poses and tells me not to worry about him taking rides on his own. yeah, right. There was this ride (snoopy land splash) he wanted to take with Si Hong. It seats two persons each ride. I was alone as Natasha decided not to take the ride. When we reach the top, all of the sudden, he wanted to back out and sit with me. Si Hong was pretty stunned that he would be on his own. this son of mine finally decided to be loyal and stuck with his friend and took the same boat with him. Thank God though, as it turn out, the ride was not so scary afterall. He certainly learnt a lesson not be over confident on his bravery.

Natasha is so sweet and shows so much affection that it melts my heart throughout these time time. She would sing herself to sleep when we pack our stuffs. She does her own bath now (yes, i am still the freak mum who'll worry that she did not get the shampoo out of her hair), she'll try to make sure that her things are nicely packed. She'll kiss our hands when she happy. She'll give us bear hugs when she feels so loved and wants to love back. She takes all the rides with us, as long as she feels protected by us. Her poses are now so cute. She says the darnest things to make us break into laughters. And she is persistent when she chase after boys she like - yeah, she is into Mr Bean and Si Hui captured her heart by talking and dramas like one. haha. She points to Si Hao's groin area (who is 14 this year) and ask him what he calls it. She gives him 3 choices - kuku bird, bird bird or private part. My nephew says Penis and she does not understand. Hub interrupted and told them it's groin. arh, so farny!

And they don't turn like helicopters when they sleep anymore.

*sigh* These are great memories that will hardly be erased from our memory.

the not so good bits:
there was little time to shop, can't really do it with a peace of mind with 6 children and 5 other adults with you. Just as well since the things there are so steep.
The other few regrets were that we didn't had the chance to spend more time at Hakone (the Mt Fuji resort), Mt Fuji was evasive - did not see it at all and we did not fulfill the Kyoto part of the itinary. We also spend alot of frustrated time doing what others want to do and time wasting to us. Our hotels at Tokyo city and Osaka city was not comfortable. Tokyo city's so packed with people perpertually on your face all the time!

Other insights:
People in Osaka tends to be more helpful. They are twice more civilised than people in Tokyo. The food is nicer and less expensive. The shops at some places can cost three times more expensive. We spend about 2 hours at Narita and found that it's a quaint little town which we would have like to spend more time in, much more than Tokyo. There are many restaurants but since we are on our own, we have no idea which gives the best value. We had fair share of good and bad ones.
The bread there are very nice, even those you buy from their convenient stores.
Hubs and I will do a separate trip from the kids the next time. Pics in next post.

Next on our wish list:
1) Hokkaido
2) Israel (With church)
3) New Zealand then Hawaii route
4) Europe - quite far fetch though

shoes...

Ever since this Monday, I've been fretting over which shoes to wear to Japan. I hate the fact that I have to wear trackshoes the entire trip - as there'll be many chances of walking and this climb at 5th station at Mount Fuji. However, I will look "orbit" if I'm shopping.

So when I saw this pair of Mary Jane from Nike and I had vouchers. I grab. YAY! I'd be looking cool man! yeah, me the vain pot.

so many changes

In a short 3 months span, the last company I was with had so many changes.

1) ex-RO went to HP
2) ex-bid partner went to Oracle
3) an AM became an SM (2 level jump)
4) an SM for commercial sector became a Deputy Director for Govt sector
5) ex-cube neighbour resign, digging info on where he's going from him.. will he go back to DSTA?
6) my ex-VP leaving next week, perhaps going to Acatel?

It must be such a freak place eh. But some of them worked for 5-6 years before moving to a MNC.

it's relag relag time la

I mean to say this last Wednesday.. phew, Nathan's exams are finally over. And double phew that he has only 4 papers to go through. This time, there were not many late nights as we prep some assessment work since last month. But I realised that his science needed a lot of help, he manage to scrap through a 30/50 for a practice paper and I thought it was quite poor. After going through the rounds with him (I had to buy one more set of assessment), it was apparent that P4 science is really not that simple and straightforward anymore. Water droplet, water vapour cannot be interchangeable. You'll need to know what prevents water pollution, why would birds freeze to death if there's an oil spill. goodness! It's only a P4 paper?!
Then, I learnt that I should be buying $39 science assessment book, not the typical $5-6 ones to teach pro-per-ly. don't expect definite high marks even if you know the concept, it's by chance..
I don't buy it but I know that it's just not that easy anymore. It'll be an anal task to teach Natasha when her time comes..

The upside is that this boy tries to recollect what was being taught and explained by us and manage to get an 88/100 for the paper.

The other happy news he gave me was that his Chinese improved. the effort for the sunday morning chinese shows, the chinese doremon VCDs and speaking in mandarin helps. At least Band 1 for this time, it was Band 2 whole of last year.

His English and Maths had always been on the consistent high 90s, so I am glad that it remained so. thank God for such a sensible boy who will tries his best.

After the last grumbling on the trip, things are so looking brighter. Basically, I gave up and asked God to take over. During the Malaysia workshop, things were still bleak because so many hotels rejected our bookings (too many people, too close the date). I verbalised to KK that God will take care of it and there is nothing to worry. It happened.
His brother secured a place in Tokyo for all of us.
We managed to get Osaka and Hakone's hotel at a bargain and more.
KK managed to get some points with BIL's sheraton card for a free night and we are staying at Sheraton Tokyo bay which provides shuttle to Disneyland!

Plus, our itinary looks terrific and it does not seem like we just want to touch and go from place to place. So excited for the trip.

Thank God for taking over. He will keep us safe for the trip and we will definitely enjoy ourselves. We will remember 27th May, the Global prayer date.

Grrrrouse and GRRRRowl

why??!???!??!!! why must hubs second sis tag along for this Japan trip which we have been trying to plan. Why must they be so testing????

2 months ago, all of the sudden, Hub's second sis decided to tag along. With a family of 6, I hardly think it is possible to plan Japan with them. Previously, the Malaysia trips (once at Malacca which they took us 9 hours to reach - YAH, ask me how they did that, and 2nd round at Kuantan, they spend 2 ENTIRE days FISHING.. bloody cukorrroooss.. they might as well fish at Pasir Ris park, Bedok port, whatever!!!)

When they decided to join, I told hubs that they WILL travel around OUR itinary. I pretty much left him to do the job. He did a poor negotiation. DId not book the hotels earlier and now we are pretty much stranded with EXPENSIVE hotel!!!! super duber pissed.

Now I am grousing. It better dunch turn into GROWLING!!

what a frenzy month

My dear hubby got himself hospitalised. There was this cyst that is growing on his chest. He turn down the first doc's offer to get the pus out before it became serious. So when it grew too unbearable, he checked himself into the hospital after he sent me to church the sunday before i am due to leave for work trip.
That afternoon, I had to do the groceries real quick, cook some soup for him and prep the kids for school for the week. All these would not have been possible if I had been frustrated or panic during the process. God was definitely with me.

Next day, (16th Apr/Mon)
I was really daze when my RO and I took off to the San franscisco. I forced myself to nap on the flight and halfway thru, i wonder if it was worth it since so much time was wasted travelling. Plus the checks were really stringent. It was worse on domestic flights, shall not indulge in elaborating.

After checking into the nice quiet town in Redwood city, we took off to San Fran city. And as I was not appropriate dressed for 11 degrees celcius, I ended up with a cold sore on my lip. Otherwise, it would have been a real treat that half day at the city. We ventured the shops at Old Navy, Victoria Secrets, took the tram to Fisherman's wharf... The sunset was a beauty.
The place we put up was somewhat like a dorm. Pleasantly peaceful and my room view was the little airport that holds some jet planes.


Marriot townsuite - 15 mins walk to work place in Redwood city


San Francisco city

Next night, Jake and family with Jeff/Wendy arranged dinner at "Yeah", a Malaysian restaurant near our office. Not fantastic food but i really love the company.


yeah!

The winds made the weather really cold although it's suppose to be spring. To talk work will be too boring, Fast forward...

Friday, I packed to get ready for Wendy to pick me up to Dinah's place for dinner. Dinah cooks.. wooo.. hoo.


Dinah the cook

one of the dish

Wendy and Denzel


the dinner

then Wendy prepared a nice bed with a nice little bear to accompany.. It was really nice and comfy.


isn't it lovely

It still felt surreal that nite when i fell asleep at the Lui's place, I think already at that point, I missed my hub and kids a great deal. All set for the next two days of fun.
WE shopped, eat, visited Golden Gate, Sausalito. We also had quite a bit of fun trying to take our own pics.. see this:









Jeff and Wendy also made a trip going up the famous San fran city slope and down the Lombard. I'll always remember that great memory they made.
Million thanks to Jake/Dinah and family and JEff and Wendy. I was genuinely happy to be able to spend time with these old buddies.. we've really come a long way :)

In the BIG APPLE city

Many pictures to post, many things to write, loved the different culture and stuff but no mood to update. Cos I am so home sick. Out too long.

the children we make

On the way to work at 10.30am (that's another story), I witnessed something that was disturbing. A man came up together with a school kid (from St Hilda's secondary school) and was trying to ask him for directions (in Mandarin). They were sitting directly opposite me. The man must have scribbled something on his little notebook and he was pointing at the book and telling the boy that he needs to get to Buona Vista MRT, he wanted to know if it was the right train he had hopped on. The kid had no idea, shrug off to his questions most times, did not even try to see if there was any way he could help but seemed despair. I was on my iPod but I could hear the guy, not that he was loud but I noticed what he was asking. In the end, the man just slump on the chair and gave up. The kid with a nonchalant expression, went back on his earpiece.
I promptly took off my earpiece and said " Sian sheng, ru guo ni yao tao Buona Vista, ni zai tui de che" He was so thankful and immediately sat up.

The immediate thought was: what if it was Nathan or Natasha? I would have so shameful of their little knowledge of singapore and worse, unhelpfulness! this kid could jolly well be like my kids, always being fetched around so they don't really know where does the train lines go. In most cases, parents move nearer to the school their children attends, so that they don't have to travel so *far* and be tired out. We worry so much about children's school results and did not care much about their GK or even allow their survival instinct to run!
when I was younger, I started taking public bus at the age of 8 from Commonwealth to Middle Road. There was this time when me and my sis got lost and we end up at the terminal. The kind bus uncle brought me to another bus and told us where to stop.

Some of my friends argued that it's too dangerous, our time has kind souls but these days, you never know...
Are there too many excuses these days for us to pamper our kids. So much that they are given too much but does not learn how to earn it?
I am as guilty as any parents who pampers but thank God, this is such a good incident that "opened" my eyes to see what is really happening!
Not that I will start to take away lest they suffer withdrawal syndrome, but I would really start to really scrutinise on my givings. It's disastrous to think how painful it'll be for them when they have to vie for themselves and find that they are not at all equipped.

Blessings of God

It's so surreal to think that next Monday at this time, I would be on the flight to San Jose office. I would be visiting New York too!
This is only the first trip, there will be more trips to come. The next one would probably be in October for an event we have to organise.

I would never have imagine such things happening to me at all, if not for God's blessings and intervention. When God provides, He gives the best.

There are times when I could almost go green with envy for those people who has the opportunity to travel for work. I forget that I also had my share .... the first that was given was Bangkok for a workshop, then Malacca several times for presentations to internal colleagues, then to Hong Kong to present to a customer. Maybe it because it's still within Asia.
Now USA! Have not packed for my trip yet and quite lost in planning what to do besides work. Boy, am I glad that there are good pals in west coast to bring me around.

excited.. excited.. excited..

trashing in blog

There were many posts which i did not put up.

Some two weeks ago, hubs and I made memories with the children. We add 3 more badminton rackets to our collection and played a casual game. The children enjoyed it so much and asks why we started so late.

Hubs bought our dog for a "saloon" hair cut and now she's looking so good.

Hubs did his final year for the reservist.

It was hubs birthday (with his mother - lunar calendar) last Thurs. Eunice helped me make a homemade Durian birthday cake for them.

I'm so into Heroes as well as reading heroes of faith (John Bunyan - author of Pilgrim progress).

We (children and I) visited Cole - Anny's second offspring. As cute as a button. It was nice catching up with Anny and teasing Dayne.

Treated myself to an iPOD nano and Nike armband. That should motivate me to do more jogs now. Running 2km is not an issue anymore. I am gonna stretch it further.
Also bought some knee guard to cushion the impacts of runs.

bee-see

On top of the children's and work schedules.. suddenly, there are like added items for me to do.

3rd - hubby has farewell, gotta fetch him home after fetching son from class.
4th - got to buy durian to pass to friend, she will do up the cake for hubby
4th - take over the tab to do up April's birthday celebration for the dept
5th - hubby's and MIL's birthday. collect cake, arrange people to meet, delegate stuff for people to buy and prepare.

6th - want to totally nuah!

Wonderful Morning!

Hubs needed to reach Nee soon camp at 7.30am. We were early when we set out, which is a rare on a Saturday.

The morning view was so beautiful! There was no chance to take any pics as hubs friend arrived... but to describe it a little of what was seen..
The sun shines from the back of some rolling clouds. The dash of orange, yellow rays on the white clouds and the grey blue sky was breathe-taking. The patch of green grass in front of the MRT station had a layer of morning mist.

God says it all. The creator of everything. Thank you Lord for such a beautiful morning with such a sight.

Distorted?

I met up an ex-colleague (about my age) over lunch today. We weren't exactly close before, I was in sales and she was my marketing support. There was more work talk than personal sharing when we were.. well.. together.

She's now with another company and since she's in town, we arranged to meet another colleague and myself for lunch. Over the lunch chat, I soon learnt that she's determined to not be married, not have children and aims to die at the age of 45, if she does not die by then desired age, she will take an injection to end her life. She set this "plans" about 5 years ago which means she is still pretty convicted with her "plans" It didn't seem that she's joking or depressed and I am not a guillable(spelling?) person as well.
What really bothered me was the fact she said it like it's really casual and there is no way anyone would change her mind. And she's accepted Christ. I'm not trying to do any bashing upon religion but it's really disturbing to see someone who has known and loved Christ decide on something she knew would disappoint Him.
It was quite a depressing session. The other colleague who went along for this lunch is having marital problems. Apparently, she's already at the non-speaking stage with her spouse.

I however declared loudly that they will be in my prayers. As much as I have no idea what to pray for as I will never know what is best for them but I'll definitely ask God to give them a loving touch.

It was a long weekend for me as I was on leave on Friday. The morning half of the day was spent at father's niche. Without a doubt, we all miss him although there was significantly less tears. Mother did a prayer routine and I must say that it is impressive that she has , for the first time in her religion life, been so sincere and hold fast to the faith with God. I firmly believe that father is at rest in peace but mother just wanted to recite the petition prayers to God for the dead.

We headed for lunch at a Pu Tien restaurant. I am assuming that we went to Pu Xin which IMHO is quite outstanding and at $20 per pax, it's satifying. If the Pu Tien Seafood serves much better food, I reckon there's certainly something to look forward to. will upload some pics on lunchlater.

We spend the rest of the afternoon really lazing, nap, surf net for the Japan trip, watch Tee Vee.. then it was dinner at Man Fu Yuan restaurant with hub's parents and eldest sister. The service was first class and out of the many courses of dishes, the steamed Soon Hock is my favourite. the bill came up to be about $40 per person. That is with priviledged card, vouchers discounts.

certainly felt like a glutton for eating so much rich and expensive food. Not sure if there was any relation but I had insommnia on Sat morning... at 8am, I felt so drugged (food intoxication) that it was almost impossible to make me do any runs.

Thank God for partners who motivates. I was literally dragged out of bed, did a 1.8km jog and felt more refresh to conquer the day.

The day saw me through Isaac's birthday, PTN in church and cell meet up till 1am!

As much as I felt concussed, I promptly went to church at 9am to do my SS service. Love the kiddos. They are ever such encouragement to me.

The shopping experience at the new Giant at Tampines left me a really bad taste. It was simply too congested, noisy and dirty to have me talk about any great discounts.

To make up for the poor afternoon, I made fried fish soup for dinner after our walk at the park. That gave some comfort to start the week that is to come.

yay.. i made it

On Mon, I managed to scrap through 1.4km run. I told myself in the mirror that I'll do 1.8km and I clocked 2.4km today!!!!!

but I took 45mins to do that, heh. jia you!

Food adventure

We had been feasting!

Last Saturday, we went to Wild Rocket with our nephews and kids. Hubby volunteered the treat cos he's forever so generous to his nephews and nieces, besides taking care of the children. The place is a bit of a maze to find though and by the time we arrive (after swimming) at 8pm, we were starving.

The verdict:
Talk about fusion food! The soup impressed me the most, it was cream of lotus root with wolfberries. It looked like yam paste but the taste is so comforting. Usually when we double boil the clear broth - lotus root soup with pork ribs, the ingredients are not consumed. The kids took no time to finish up. Good tips for me to start blending soups.

The softshell crab did not leave me much. I'd say the pepper sauce was good.

For the main course, we all gave thumbs up. The interesting orders was prob hubby's Laksa preso which looks italian (spaghetti with some green paste), smells like laksa, taste ... well both Asian and European. And my dish, the squid ink linguine. yep, not the kind of food you'll order with clients. My teeth were all inky aftermath, looking the part of pirates.

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It's oyster night on Tuesdays at Greenwood Fish market and Bistro. We would not have done this dinner on other Tuesdays cos Nathan has classes. Hubby was suppose to treat but since he has to give the best of the crop to God first, this time, I took up the tab. That will give us another excuse to feast next month ;P

Verdict:
The atmosphere reminded us of the Fisherman's wharf in Australia (tassie or Melbourne or Sydney). It's fish market that serves great fresh seafood.

The calamari does us in. It came with very complimentary salad at the bottom of those fried sotong pieces. I almost ordered that as desserts, haha. The corn soup, er, not our type. The oysters at that price and fresh, I could have at least 2 dozens. I had to control myself. We shared 15, I cannot register how many I had, I just take, dig, slurp the whole time. I won't be surprise if I had 10 and hubby had only 5. The pics are little dark as the ambience was suppose to be romantic.



The mains were red miso cod for hubby and lobster linguine for me. The cod with the red miso sauce was great when you start eating but not sustainable.
My dish was tasty, it had a dash of chilli padi in the linguine and the lobster was the size of my palm. Oiishi neh!



the cod (grilled with red miso) and mashed sweet potato



the lobster

surprise!

I did mention that today is the official blog day for me. As I am writing this, Nathan is at the Mediacorp's audition for Spellcast. It's just for the experience, afterall it's gonna be quite fun for him to take a look at their studio.

Okay, now for the surprise news.. *drum rolling* i won 1st prize for a reward programme I was enrolled in... a trip for 2 to Japan!!!!
I've never won anything so grand before and it's really a treat!

things I do when bored.

I resolved one request. today is offical blog day for me!!

hmmm.. hubby's bd is on the 5th of the month. IS that no wonder we are always missing the point by that little bit? my life is a bit of surprises ... good and bad ones.

Your Birthdate: December 31

You don't love lightly. For you, love is always a serious undertaking.However, you are able to love many types of people. You can bring out the best in almost anyone.Love surprises you often. You never know when or where you'll find it next. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 2 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1 You are most compatible with people born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, and 31st of the month.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanforyourlovelifequiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

Your Birthdate: April 5

People wouldn't take you for a passionate person - and that's where they'd be wrong.You can develop deep emotions quickly, and you're the type most likely to move in with someone after a few dates. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 5 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5 You are most compatible with people born on the 5th, 14th, and 23rd of the month.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanforyourlovelifequiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

so uncanny... he made his moves to "steadified" our relationship after 3 dates. And yes, he's a passionate man. Does that mean I'm not so compatible. Aiyah, married liao, too bad.

Meme

Kinda early to blog but I just wanted to take my mind off that Vietnam lead and the RFP that is driving me half nuts.

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1.Is your default picture your natural hair color?
No picture on this blog. but my hair is coloured.
2. Where was your default pic taken?
N.A.
3. What's your middle name?
Don't have one.
5. Honestly, does your crush(s) like you back?
nope, always not successful in that department.
6. What's your current mood?
somewhat tired.
7. What color shirt are you wearing?
Green.
8. What makes you happy, honestly?
Good friends.
9. Are you musically inclined?
I think I can sing quite okay. Can only play one song on Piano.
10. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be?
A beautiful cat.
11. Ever had a near death experience?
er... I think so.
12. Something you do a lot?
watch TeeVee.
13. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
Inspired by the cross. By A2J
14. Who did you copy and paste this survey from?
Ickleoriental.
15. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
Mei Yan.
16. When was the last time you cried?
Sunday. I missed my Dad.
17. If you could have one super power what would it be?
Do everything at the speed of lightning. I like to get things done quickly.
18. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
Height.
20. What’s your biggest secret?
It'll not be a secret anymore if that was said.
21. What's your favorite color?
yellow... white...
22. When was the last time you lied?
huh?
23. Do you watch kiddy tv shows or movies?
with my kids, yes.
24. Do you have a best friend?
Used to. I thought.
25. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
I'll have a more positive outlook of life.
26. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Mineral water.
27. Do you speak any other language?
Mandarin.
28. What’s your biggest regret?
Never thought of it.

how many and much is good...

I had my nephews over the whole of 9 days last week. They are 12 and 10. It gave me the chance to see if I could take care of 4 children as if they are of my own. It was all good, as it turns out, they were very obedient and great boys. Meal menu planned, laid down some simple houserules, went through with the 4 kids on their school tests/spelling etc... hey, I'm a pro!
It is not bad an idea to have so many kids in the house, we were able to fill up the monopoly and risk boardgame players. We had more exchanges of ideas on the TV programme we were watching. The house was filled with more laughter and quarrels. But overall, there was more energy filling up the space. But it was still such a short time to access whether it's a joy or pain to have that many children of my own.
I was and am content with just my 2 kids. I'm definitely stopping at 2 and have zero intentions and desires to have more. However, I don't deny that it's a joy to have more kids.. Whatever, God gave us children as like talents. We would need to be good steward over them.

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Nathan had shown some great improvements in doing some discipline work on his own since this week's school break. He read the Bible and did some home assessment without my asking! That's showing really good signs of maturity.

I had some me-me time at the jog but there were some mental block when I did the rounds, I could only wrap up with 1.4km today. I did 1.9km last fri. Somewhat dissappointed that my stamina did not build up since but the goal is to do 2.4km by end of this week.

AT work, though it was planned that my trip to US was gonna be mid April, it might happen earlier.. uh oh. my boss will let me know when I'll be fed to the sharks.
So Jeff, if you are reading this, I may make my appearance earlier than I'm willing to.

Hubby is super stressed for his work but he had some great news to share. He's promoted! Thank God for His providence and blessings!

going for that trip

My RO asked me if I am ready to go USA (alone) office for two weeks this morning. He mentioned this last month but it still felt too soon for me to tackle the tasks alone there.

I started this new portfolio barely two months ago, to be exact, it's only 7 weeks in the job. That is inclusive of the Lunar new year week! He thinks I'm ready, me thinks otherwise. I asked for another 4 weeks, which means I'll be meeting the US folks in April... I am actually both apprehensive and excited.

Apprehensive probably because of home..Although I've discussed this with the family, I'm not really sure if my hubby can cope. Especially now I am doing most of the fetching, guiding, coaching, planning etc. You see, Mums ALWAYS know better.
Besides being at home to make sure things are in place, I am definite going to miss my darlings. During the 4 days when my hubby and I was in Macau last Dec. As much as I enjoyed just being the two of us, I had wished that the kids were with me. I had thoughts of how they would enjoyed the walks, what they would say about the desserts, how their eyes would have delighted if they saw the height from the tower, how they would look in their cold weather clothings, the things we could have taught them... oh but not without the thought of them fighting each other, heh.

Excited cos.. for one, I've never travelled to USA before. And two, it's great learning experience for me. Not that it'll be easy and non-stress though cos I would prob be fed to the sharks of my colleagues there.. haha. It's business and in all honesty, being on a holiday and on work is an entirely different story. nonetheless, I would have mark this as yet another milestone in my career, an achievement for myself. yes, I'm a mum but also that career woman I set out to be when I wanted to finish my business degree.

Now you see, the struggle of women. We are that female who was groom to work in the society, we are also the female who has inclination to be more sensitive to caregiving.