The last line...

I totally agree on this from http://tribolum.com/:

Like the poem, we all see this coming, for all our relationships. It’s what you do between the first line and the last line that matters.

-> like my Dad.. I was there when he was hospitalised, was there when he was sick and send him for medical checks. Thought of his birthdays and father's days. But was simply not able to see him for the last time even when asked to cos I didn't expect it to happen so quickly.
It didn't matter what was done in-between. It matters what I did at the last leg. Like the last line of the poem.

on growing...up and old.

I feel proud each time I announce my kids age till recently. I reckon that as their age increase, I age too. It's not that I want to be forever 25, I'm vain but not that vain. It's just that it didn't felt like an achievement anymore, there are just so many other things to be achieve and not done yet.

Last month, when I met up with friends I've known for more than 2 decades, I noticed deep lines below the eyes, old age pigmentation, white hair.. But these are just "face" value depreciation.
I felt we were now more stable emo wise, more in tune with our own instinct, confident of status - be it single or married or attached without commitment, happy with the decisions made, glad to be able to plan for the next decade, calm to face any tomorrows...
That to me is a huge diff when we met at 30 and again at 35. I can't wait to talk about our 40s.

I'm inspired with how some women of this century looks darn gorgeous at 40 and beyond - Jennifer Aniston (yes! she's 40!!!), Halle Berry, Vanessa Williams and oh wow Monica Bellucci .. So first, I am going to do something that is cosmetic - nothing too drastic, I just need to do something with my crowning glory.

random

So I am feeling a little melancholy today.
hen Natasha told me about a friend crying over a dog that was tortured and put to death at SPCA, it almost a hard lump in my throat. Especially when she said : so mommy, the teacher says that dogs have feelings too.

Me thinks: have I been neglecting the feelings of people around me these days?

....The b decides to pass a staff who was in PA work for our director - to do pricing. It didn't matter to them if she's suited for the job. I (just) had to coach her to fulfill the part of that headcount's work. 3 months later, the truth is out. She's not suited and my feedback plays a large part of her staying of leaving. Evil. I state truth and she's out of job. I omit any truth, our team suffers a headcount.

~~~~~~~~~~~

...Last night, in attempt to give WL her wedding blessings, I searched some of the pictures taken with her whilst we were closest those days.

I found WL and I's picture from 1992 - I was 18 and WL 17. The years went on.. jun 1993, sep 1993, dec, 1994 - at sentosa with Aggie, Jerome and Lawrence. 1995 where I prepare to leave for Australia, 1996 - WL, Dinah, Meiyan, Michelle was with me with KK to roam Tassie by car.

In 1997, I become mum to my dear Nathan. I had WL, Becky, Esther to cheer me onto motherhood.

along the years, we drifted apart. I never quite made it back to Faith A/g since I settled for a church nearby. But those days were my happiest, most carefree... most treasured years.

Thanks friends - for being friends... and this song stuck with me all these years.

Friends

is that light at the end of the tunnel

The past couple of months had actually been the hardest. Last year, work though was challenging, it was manageable. In fact it was fun.

- My mum claims (yes claims) that she is very sick. She've seen at least a dozen of doctors and insists that none of them wants to tell her or pay attention to what problem she has. I learnt through siblings and herself that she is also turning to whatever religion there is to "save" her from her situation. So I officially proclaim her MENTAL.
Now, isn't that a nasty situation?
- Tasha, well has been rather an issue and that was in my previous blog
- Domestic helper. Not sure if it was her fault or is it my expectations. Or if we simply don't have the chemistry.
- 2 kids going for exams at the same time. And the going gets rougher as they progress.
- I was told to swop role and I wasn't prepared nor comfortable. I don't know what lies ahead. All I can hope for is that it'd a blessings in disguise.
- I was terribly sick and that made me feel depress for a while.
- My hubby dropped me the bomb that he owes quite a bit of money because of speculation.

Things are soooooooooooooooooooooooo much better now. Especially when I've learnt a few precious lessons.
- how to praise God in painful times.
- how to rely in God's steering and not get overly stressed over it.

there are other lessons I should learn but the defiant nature of mine does not allow that to happen. But I am sure when I commit my weakness to HIM, I will overcome.

perseverance

I just did a course on written communication skills. Never too much to relearn or learn new techniques. The exams ended earlier this afternoon which explains my being home early.

Someone near my block is constantly playing the tune of A thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton - one of my fav song. For the half hour I'm here, the person repeatedly played on at least 25 times. What perseverance to get it perfected! I wish sometimes I am that determined.