too scary

Cold sweat. It was a bad dream. The worst of nightmares.

As I described my dream verbally to a friend, I almost choke to tears. I doubt I can ever handle a loss so great.

cannot remember much of the details but it started when I "knew" I was pregnant (in the dream), someone at the background says I'm trying to conceive a boy because I lost one. I turn to my husband and ask what the person meant when she said that. He looked intently at me and told me to recall what that Nathan did not make it. I asked since when. ...

and I woke up with a jerk. I jumped out of bed and quickly went to see my children. Nathan is sleeping peacefully (breathing too), Tasha is fine.

What came over me? I don't know. I vaguely remember that Chinese says that usually if you dream of something bad, something good is going to happen to the person...

1st branded sunnies

At the bluesky event, I was attracted to a pair of Guess sunglasses as the design is great. But I wasn't so keen with the colours offered:
Pink shade with gold rims (er.. too fashionable for moi).
light grey with silver rims (does not seem to be able to ward off any glare).

The shop assistance however was so eager to sell me the pair that they told me that they will get Guess to indent for a pair of dark grey one with the same design for me. I waited for 2 months for it but it's worth it.

hmmm... I look slimmer at this angle. So how, do you think it's nice?

Rendevous with hubby

Hubby was in generous mood today. Perhaps cos he felt that he owe it to me. Anyway, that's another story.

We headed for my all time favourite Ramen restaurant. I am so in love with the Dan dan noodle. It's soup base has some peanuty, hot spicy with porky broth.

Not many people would rave about the place. A food reviewer commented that the service is deserves 2.5 stars out of 5, I might give the same too but so far, they had been cordial.

The food had 3 stars from him, I would have given 4 stars.

Atmosphere, yeah, 2.5 stars is enough.

If you decide to drop by, do try the prawn tempura just melt in the mouth. But pricey hor. $5 per prawn, minimum serve is 4 pcs.

Kado Man Restaurant: 10 coleman st. #01-21 Grand plaza ParkRoyal Hotel.

~~~~~

I brought my boy for his surgery check up yesterday and the Doc brought in a fellow "sufferer". that is how he termed it. This lil gal, all of 4 years old is a talkative and has a glib tongue. She's one of those kid who is ever optimistic about stuff and speaks her mind freely. She just had her ops a week ago for three places, also a case of extoses (a.k.a. extra bones) and when her father pushes her stroller in, she seems to be rather cheerful.

The doc adores the things she said, like "what do you mean by sufferer? I've never heard of such word". She observes my son and commented " he does not really like to talk much".

Then all of the sudden whilst we were making small talks .. she said, looking at my son.

"excuse me, but I think you mummy is very beautiful."

Wow, was that referring to moi? hahaha.. that really made my day man and young children don't lie. Okay most young children don't lie.

~~~~

My mum pushed into her crazy mode yesterday. She bang down the line on me when I picked up her first call and when I refused to pick up her second call, she left a nasty message on my voicemail, blasting away.

Already she irritated the hell out of me saying weird things. It's all cos she wants her face... she is one strange woman.

Poor sis is feeling all messed up by her strange outburst.

GAStronomical time. Unpleasant one though

This is the 5th executive month I had consistently took MC. I was a super healthy babe, my stomach tough as steel and I seldom cough. I was as strong as mule before this reorg that took place in April this year.

It was a totally depressing Monday. It was beyond my work scope what I could handle yesterday. 45 mins before official work time is over, I walked out. Stroll to collect my photos and I knew I had the glazed look on my face. I lost. I felt so depress that it felt numb from head to toe.
There is some really nice kind soul out there. I must have look kinda terrible, a big guy offered his seat to me in a crowded MRT train and silly me thought he was going to alight. He did not alight till 6 stops later. I could not bring myself to do anything. I just dumped myself and my stuff on the sofa and not move. I just wanted to stay blank for a period of time. Not willing to think of anything at all, not willing to pick up another telephone call, not willing to move a limb.
i snoozed in and out till hubby came home with dinner. The gastric pain kicked in full force and I felt I could not swallow anything, the fragrant rice felt like stone and tasty veg and meat taste bland. I ate a mouthful. I was entire depressed.
What came out good was I knew hubby is there for me. the gastric spasm came and go, LS a few times. I managed to go to sleep in a strangest position. Thank God for that.

this morning, I beat my own will to go to work. I was still feeling sore at the gastric area. I just could not cancel a appointment I had arranged.
It was a pleasant meet up, here is a wonderful client who really trust me and gave me his support. It's such a bonus to meet such person.
Looks like today is a day with lesser adversities.

speedy weekend

the weekend sped past. I felt like I was hit in the gut on Sat. It was incredible how I dealt with that day when I recall it now.

Woke up feeling quite fresh at 8am, things started off pretty okay.. drove to MIL's place to pass them mooncake, picked up sis and headed for mum's place to pass her the invitations for tea ceremony and wedding dinner. Sis had to accompany her to buy the gown for that night.

then it all came crashing. We left for Bedok for car polish and had our brunch with prata and Roti John at 10am. We told them we needed the car by 12pm but they did not manage to do complete polishing in time and we left at 12.50pm.
Now, the children's art class and my pilates class starts at 1pm. We were all 30mins late for our lessons, making it very stressful for hubby. Then we thought that it was okay later in the afternoon. My MIL called and insisted that we need to attend a wedding dinner that night, we rejected going earlier cos we assume we had bible study that evening and since BS is cancelled, we had to oblige and agreed to go for dinner.

Whilst hubby and Tasha took their beauty nap and Nathan playing SCV games online, I had a awful time from 2pm till 6pm, trying to deal with the most incredibly stupid customer.

during that time, they headed to the pool without me (Nathan has swimming lessons) and I had to quickly dress up for the dinner.

Things then slowed down ... the dinner went well. Tasha was a gem at dinner.

at 11.30am, children and hubby call it a day. I was still struggling with a contract that is needed on Monday and 1 stupid report collation. Finished work at 2am. could not sleep till 3am.

Sunday...
Good thing it rained and hubby did not insist of wet marketing. could sleep in more than usual.
At sunday school, I almost zombied out. Instead of resting, we mop ard town for stuffs.

Marina Square had a winter wear retail outlet that gives 15% storewide, we needed to complete the clothes we need to prepare for Korea winter experience. We then headed for Courts since my iron broke down on me. We then headed Carrefour for the week's grocery. We completed those task at 5.30pm and we were expected to be at my MIL's place for dinner cum latern festival gathering.
By then, I was rather feeling sick in the gut, my head was running thru the week's activities and ... it was not going to be a pleasant week.

This means:
Pay day. stress. = ARGGH fats inducing food.

(L-R)
Le Cafe Confectionery's round (and huge) pineapple tarts. M&S Almond cookies. M&S lightly salted chips. Hacks blackcurrent sweets. Le Cafe Strawberry swiss roll. Rochor Road tau fa.



You can make a guess where I was taken for lunch today.

*******

A new young mummy is born when her foetus made it to the world today. Another, Karyn, who is due soon had to rest at home for a week as she is diagnose with pre-Eclampsia. Have no idea why this would happen to a perfectly fine young girl (28 years old ). She needs prayers.

What a world of difference in experience for both of them.

continue...

half done post yesterday and I digress too much. Continue to digress

I have a lot of inert rebellion. All those years when I felt that I "suffered", I would have voiced it once. But it fell to unhearing ears. I would remain a hushed person till I break loose. It would be of no return of what I was determine to do in the next stage.

Basically, I was determine to get the grit of life by getting my diploma, get some savings and get of the house. I did it by getting married. They did not make it any easier, they demanded a ransom in my opinion. I was worth $12K. That was the first and last time I saw my father in law lose his temper. whilst he was kicking a fuss of how my parents were "selling" me, my parents sat inside their little shop smiling that they made someone so angry.

I almost stopped my relationship with them but I do have a heart and my religion does ask me to forgive. I try but they always play the devils advocate and make it really hard to love them.
On festive seasons, when it meant that I must give festive gifts or birthday ang baos.. I still fulfill my duty. They would rave about my cousin's children or the child my mum takes care but when it comes to my children, the kinship is strange.

enough of those rant. Back to my sis wedding preparation.

Instead of helping, they want to add things for us to do. The joke of the entire thing which was so evidently shameful was the bangle my mum wanted to give to my sis.
She thought of giving a diamond bangle to her but yet knowing her, she's too stingy to do that. She bought one for $800 (she claims) but at the looks of it, diamond industry might only have cost $400. She wore it on the day of food tasting, where my sis future parents in law was present too. She showed everyone that she may be giving my sis that bangle or she might get another one. She told me in private that she has one bracelet which she hasn't worn for some time as the clasp came loose. She laments that she needs to spend another $80 to redo the clasp and wash. hinting me to give her some $$. I feigned innocent.
Flustered, she says that she will re-think what she wants to give to my sis at the tea ceremony.

That, is only one of the disgusting thing she did.

Now, back to some brighter things on my happier part of life.
I am hoping to quickly jump ship soon.

quote of the day (N is my son, J is his cousin):
N: do you know that XX is the leading company in Asia?
J: how you know?
N: I read that "XX is the leading XXtions in Asia Pacific".
J: say only wat, got do meh?

Now that's funny.

Judging from this, my son is an info collector. He absorbs info like sponge and gullibly drink it all in and trust it wholeheartedly.
My nephew is more of a street wiser. He challenges the info given and makes judgement after he is being convinced.

Now, that is telling about the parents too eh?

here to stay

My parents are sucky when it comes to "negotiating" weddings.

They take and take and take. When it comes to giving, they rather keep quiet or keep giving hints that they cannot afford. My sister is now taking all of it in.

just for records, My mom has loads of savings, it's in x00,000. My dad is 59 and if he keeps a healthy lifestyle (stop smoking, stop downing cold sugared drinks), he could have work till good ole 65. And if he was anymore frugal than us, he would have accumulated a goldmine worth of savings. He rather launder it away at jackpots and pig/dog friends
My younger sis and I survived thru Secondary school base on our part time work. How much was school fees then? $3.50. We had NO private tuition, NO branded material on our bodies. Our uniforms, shoes etc came from the part time work that we did. I was more fortunate to be able to find work at SGH at 14 years old as a receptionist. My sis, poor gal, had to work for neighbourhood bakery selling tutu kueys.
I pulled thru Poly thru my full time work with various MCSTs before I met a decent boss who paid me $1300 to do his accounts and administrative work for his Wine magazine. Bear in mind I still had curfews to tackle.

Try this: to do administrative work = event organising wine tasting also. That, my parents will never understand
The wine cum dinner event starts at 7pm and usually dinner continues till 11pm. Wrapping up takes a good one hour and this ex-boss of mine always like to unwind with supper, knowing well that I don't usually eat much at such event. I was 18 years old then. I came home with a stormy looking set of parents, accusing me of playing and breaking the curfew. I was cinderella, that triumph I was riding home with became dust.
I had to deal with explanation and then try to see how much time I can spend to study... I hated the fact that I had to earn my own dough since 13 but yet I had still had to be under their mercy of staying in their house. Oh and not forgetting, I needed to pay for rental too.

I know that it's not like a was poor and had no education. I felt that my sis and I survived thru our youth and we are not obliged to pay for their bad habits ~ cigarettes etc. I am not against smoking but if you know that you would need your children to cough out money for your medication for stroke, high blood, diabetes and short breathes... then be considerate.

Compartively, my father in law who is now 67 years old yet he is as fit as a young rabbit. He is a great example for me to follow. Simple life has it's own joy. He spends nothing on himself and gives to my children even though he has no income anymore.
I still relied on their help with my children if my MIL did not hurt her knee.

*sigh* more later

secrecy

whom are we kidding these days? There is no personal blogging space in *ahem* the tiny red dot part of the world. Must use codes else I could be charged of sedition..

It somewhat relates to an incident when I was an adolescent. I kept (still keeps) personal diaries and somehow during those teenage years, there were more frustrastions and pain and those were all logged faithfully in those hard cover books. An occasion arose where they found that they were free and decided to find my diary without any search warrant. Afterwhich, I was punished for writing how I hated them for restricting my movements ~ then, it was mostly boys problem. I had my fair share of whacking at 14/15 years.

Go figure out the similarity.