L.O.V.E.

This is our Crystal Marriage age. Things have become crystal clear that this man I married is THE ONE.

When I posted on my teenage "love" blunder, I actually didn't remember my anniversary. Not that I am no good at remembering such a day but over years, I've learnt the only way to "mellow" down is to convenient forget and don't expect.

It wasn't so during those infant/toddler years of our marriage.  Our passionate character brought us tons of adventure together but it was also disastrous when we disagree! So much energy wasted on those fights. We made it through, we *try to* understand each other's peeves and not provoke it. The fights become less intense, plus the fact that I tend to rely and expect of him much much lesser than before. And he tries to tolerate my nonsense.
Then, there were also times where I think that the marriage is getting functional - for the kids, for sex, for sharing of house, religion ... WHERE is the LOVE? Well, the good thing is - those are passing moments/years.

When we discussed our love language, I'd say I need them all - touch, gift, service, words, time.. greedy? Maybe it's because I think it's possible to execute all of the above if you truly love the person, didn't that happen during courtship?

I have to agree that I am super senstive, demanding and not all considerate. I certainly did not deliver all the love language to him though I ask for all of it. But isn't that our priviledge? for today, a woman has to work outside for the money and take care of the household.

Now - that is me but I am not a meanie. My hubby still loves me till today is on the credit that I do my duty as a wife as best as I can.

So this year, I am pleasantly (not overwhelmed though) surprise that he made the effort to plan, prepare and cook for our dinner.

Tadah! 300gm of Grade 7 Wagyu Sirloin Steak with salad.


He also went to my (our) favourite Darcius to get the lemon tarts and macaroons. Sweetie pie. He didn't perfect it with some flowers or music or candles. But it is his maximum effort and for that, I love him to bits.

He finally got it after so many years! for the upteen times, I said I just want to be in his thought during these special occasion. Not those expensive bouquets, fancy dinners. He finally GOT it! woot! I am happy girl.

My daughter during dinner asks - what did you guys do last anniversary? We were both stumped. I think we were either at GDOP or Wesley Methodist's Aldersgate. haha! IF that happened for the past few years, can you tell that it don't really bother me anymore on this special day.

So cheers to us and more blissful and blessed marriage years to come.

what is LOVE? momo's contribution.
feeling to want to reach out to touch him, look at his every features and memorise them. urge to hold him so close that the breathe momentum becomes one.

what is LOVE? Wikipedia contribution.

Love may be understood as part of the survival instinct, a function to keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species

When discussed in the abstract, love usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience felt by a person for another person. Love often involves caring for or identifying with a person or thing (cf. vulnerability and care theory of love), including oneself (cf. narcissism).

A core concept to Confucianism is Ren ("benevolent love", 仁), which focuses on duty, action and attitude in a relationship rather than love itself.

a dark secret

ready?

I saw this "joke" and reminded me of what I did which ruin some friendship and relationship. I do have some confused character back then!



In Poly year 1. I was showered with endless attention from the engineering folks. ME, EE, ELE. I was not very confident of my assets - I didn't think I was pretty or beautiful at all. But then again, there were so little girls in those departments! But I was definitely basking in those attention.

I was working full time at the Co-op and before long, I got to know three male buddies : KA, J and LH.
I was particularly attracted to LH who had a gf. J and KA was interested in me with all kinds of hints but I acted blur. I was trying to buy time to enjoy the attention and the group dates.
Subsequently, I was tricked into single dates with J and KA. KA was older, could drive and sometimes drives his family car. At that age, you get impress with boys who drives. And then, before I knew it, in some stupor condition, I actually accepted KA's "steady" proposal. J keep saying that I was cheating his feelings. Of which, I didn't think going on single dates means I was commital. Plus, J thought good looking was really not my type.

However, I was still looking out as I didn't think that I will last with KA. I was not mature to be in a relationship but don't really know how to get out of the nasty situation... and I was also having crushes on a few other boys everywhere. i.e. church, workplace etc..

THEN, one day, the three of them decided to pay a prank on me. They called me using an external phone.  I've always spoken mandarin with them and never held any conversation in English. So LH started conversing with me in English that he was particularly attracted to me, got access to my number and hope to be my friend. I was pretty flattered and of cos was gushing and flirting on the line. I had no freaking idea it was LH! KA was naturally super upset with me. His "gf" of less than 1 month flirting with another guy.
I caught their reaction when I reached the place where they made the "con-call" and their expression was pretty classic. Diverted eyes from LH and J.. KA made an excuse that he had a class to go to. then for the next couple of weeks, I saw nothing of KA, very little of J and LH. All I knew was that it was a silent breakup and J told me that KA was getting drunk almost everyday. I cared for KA though I didn't like him that way. I called him to apologise and all so that was an episode to learn how to handle "heart-ship". Crystal clear till today cos it was such a huge mistake!

after a hiatus

I did say that I was gonna continue writing - whether there is an audience or not. Strangely, I was reminded of this blog cos I googled "DSA guzeng" trying to figure out the DSA for Tasha... and YES! time flies and now I'm in my second and final P6 exam!

Facebook does take away all the postings and such cos it's quicker to load status and pcitures. take a glimpse of what goes on in 2010.

We had Tasmania trip. Shape run. wonderful family outing at universal studio, parks, autumn festival. Adopted Floppy from Jin. Penang, Zhuhai trips.. Nikki passing on. Nathan underwent one (final) op on his arm. Woah, what memories!.

Lesser updates in 2011 though more eventful...

So I had a great mother's day. cook some really great dishes. Went to Vegas for the first time. did amazing race with church. hosted Tassie classmates. had some real quality time with family.

snapshots into a yr's updates/memories. not bad :)

on blog, funny how I read the (only) 2010's entry, I could still feel the "rage" during that conversation with my brother and mother which seems a little silly now.
Things between us have naturally "mended". The "mother" test across Desiree and my brother clearly didn't stand a victory. I suppose they (D and bro) are still really great friends but just not couple in front of us anymore.

It was also during the time when my mother was diagnose stage 3/4 breast cancer Oct/Nov 2011, all their family trials elevated. She attributed her cancer to various things - including the glucosamine pills I gifted her sometime ago. But this mischievous cells, you never really quite know. My mum did not breastfeed any of us, I know because she urge me to take the pill to cut my milk so that my breast won't sag and cos she did so (I refuse and that is a total other story). There were frustrasted moments and one of which were when she refuse to do chemo initially. Mostly out of fear and self-fishness. Fear that she will die and "wasting" money. Selfish cos she wants all the attention and money from the daughters. She is not a good fighter mentally - she is doing great physically.
That episode was pretty much over and over the months, she managed to get her church friends to send her to hospital, accompany her to hospital, . She will be on her last dosage of chemo this friday.Afterwhich, she will go for an operation to take the lump out in a matter of weeks. My only hope is that after these ordeal, my mother will grow to be more appreciative of people around her, less vicious in the choice of words she uses. I have more or less given up on relationship with her - for she has already decided that the girls she have belongs to another family. she will only stand by her own son - no objections to that. Not just because we have gotten used to it, it's not worth fighting anymore.

last couple of weeks was CA1 and boy, there is so many updates on FB on everyone working hard with their kids. It's getting so stressful even for P2s.. my heart goes out for all the parents.

I had no idea Tasha was having exam as the notice came when I was in states. Her daddy had no clue that he is suppose to at least make some preparation for her. But oh well, Thank God for the tuition she started earlier this year. With her tiny steps towards changing her attitude on handing in homeworks and taking ownership, the wind is finally changing direction. I praise God for all the prayers heard.
It was much better than P5's CA1 where she got 50s and 60s. It's in the regions of 70s and 80s.

So this is my dilemma - I was very confident of Nathan's academic strengths at high 80s and 90 region. To apply for his DSA for NJC, HCI, DHS was a breeze - through academic. He passed the interviews and GAT with flying colours. His results then could appeal him into RI but we finally decided against it - mainly because HCI has CO and RI protrayed a stronger emphasis on sports.

Natasha has potential but her attitude slacking every now and then. I say that because she (nathan alike) never had external tuition except P6. she had 94 for Math in P4 CA2! (And she was rewarded aptly for that). But she spiral down to 65 in P5 mid year. my darling girl is really hard to guage.
She is like a miracle sometimes, she give me surprises especially when whilst teaching her, she demostrates no inclination of understanding.
So, as much as I hope for a miracle.. it's so tough to do any DSA for her!

only DHS which accepts Guzeng. Cedars, St Nicks, NYGS, SCGS - so many great girl's school but very tough to apply for her :(

I'd just leave it to God and her good hands. She has very different talents... as long as she puts her heart into doing it, she excels. The difference is, she don't persevere as well as Nathan.

On Nathan, he is driven in his own way in terms of academy. He however broke my heart and soul on mother's day when he told me that he is struggling his belief with God and wants to stop attending church.
I couldn't stop tearing. I could hear my heart cracked into pieces and then my soul was grieving so bad that I felt weary.

The greatest gift I can ever give to these two fellas are really the relationship with God. Nathan has depended alot on his own strength and he felt that his prayers didn't work. I didn't probe any further cos it doesn't make sense to drill. Let love be. I just have to continue to pray, love and trust God that all will be well.

I have to give it to him that he is decisive and non hypocrite. I did let some shady thoughts depress me - for instance on being an ill example when it's comes to bad temper - flaring lesser than before but there is no 365 of peace loving Mona. Or some months of non-reading of bible. Or Sin..
I've let that go and God teaches me every step, His guidance so loving. Definitely missing the 4some going to church but one day it will be better than that! Amen!