matters of the heart

Which parents on earth would not give anything to have their children safe, healthy and free from troubles.
My heart crack into million pieces when my son (finally) blurted out last night when his emotions kicked in real bad - on how he hates being zero on gross motor skills thus he needs to be hero on his studies.
Man, it's hard to hear it from him that he hates all these operations, how he strives to do (very) well in his studies to comfort himself from the hurting (albeit probably unintentional) words that he is lousy at sports. And now, the operation on his right hand forbidded him to write.
How he loves watching and reading 'sister's keeper' as he could relate himself to Kate. My poor son.

yet, i can do nothing. my heart squeezed and my tears might as well be the blood that's pumping out from the arteries.

Thank God we have Him. In times like this, what can we do? how do we heal? how do we find encouragement and strength?

The month of July/Aug was busied with DSAs.

DSA - Direct school Admission
IP - Integrated programme
GAT - General Ability Test
HAST - Higher Ability Selection Test
RI - Raffles
HCI - Hwa Chong
NJC - National
DHS - Dunman
PSLE. Everyone know that means. There was once a facilitator who said that it means Passing Simple Love to Everyone. But it's not what that means when you or your child is in P6.

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We discussed through the schools to apply for and we picked HCI, NJC and DHS. I for one is most impressed with DHS's principal - for his humbleness, unassuming body language and encouraging speech. The student's performance displayed how they love their school life. HSI overall wowed me over. NJC didn't give an open house we know that it's a great school by it's own merits.

We made our trips to and fro Bukit Timah for briefings, tests, interviews and what naughts. It's been an eye opener for what your kid can be drilled through for scholarships and such. We had a good laugh over his interview Q & A, how he "spied" other people's academic results during the submission, he quickly made some friends during the short stint and did discussion over their experiences. It's been tiring but fun. I sure learnt much about his "ability" since he's gone through various tests and he has his fair share of how things work. We also "tasted" how to balance the run arounds with so many things still going on. And this fellow can still ask me when i am starting his calligraphy lessons... kuakua.

Nathan at this point was shortlisted by NJC, accepted by HCI and no reply from Dunman yet. He has already made his choice.
I am not sure if it means more work for me but I just want to remain really happy for him at this juncture.

Tomorrow is his PSLE oral. and he is still having tons of school work from his teacher and doing his ErHu lesson as I am writing this. This is what life will be like soon I suppose.

Smiles

My son is so funny sometimes. The weekend has been a wreck but he made my day and i smile everytime i think of it.

During our brunch on Sunday.
EZ: what do you think Satan was doing when God put light on the first day?".
I had no idea..
EZ: Satan was formulating a rectanglar thing that also gave light but it was bad. It became TV..
Me: tell me more
EZ: then God made animals, Satan created hamburgers and made it staple. God made plants and Satan make them into potato chips.

har har har har!!!

Then he continued.

EZ: remember the part when God told Adam and Eve not to eat the apple in the middle of the garden? Well, Satan said - fruits we eateth not but give me potato chips anytime!

WOAHHAHAHA... this can be found from Reader's Digest this month and the words may not tally word for word. I am just as appreciate to my son for putting in an effort to make me laugh.

Seasons change, city change

Some back dated and random Oct posts...

We didn't put any effort to do anything for Nathan's birthday which fell promptly in between final school examinations. On the actual day, I thought of getting him a small cake so that we will just do a quick tiny birthday celebration. And the dad actually bought the large cake from NYDC that costs $70 ... and we ate till we bloat like puffer fish.

This boy was jovial about having such a simple fare, he commented that he would have a 'normal' birthday next year since PSLE is early Oct. I wonder what he wished for before blowing out the candles - for good results? haha.

I like this family picture taken :D

On the last day of their exams, we couldn't wait to treat ourselves a nice dinner. All of stamina must have been lost through the studying so by 10pm, we were super beat and wished we were home. So after a 10mins stroll at the marina bay area, we headed home.

The next day, I saw news on the urban reservoir's opening. Fwah, with these development building around us, the sg of the 80s will soon fast disappear.

Star of wonder, star of night, star of royal beauty bright... what is the next few big changes?

For Nathan

I feel bad for spending the day being laden by marital woes yesterday when I really
should be celebrating Nathan's actual 10th birtday.

10 years ago, blogging and phototaking has not birth but my son had.
10 years ago, if I had invested what I did in my son, I could be rich - materially but not spiritually, emotional and all intangible benefits where I don't know how to start describing.
10 years ago, I look at the wailing infant and wonder if he'd ever grow up. This kid certainly did. Brilliantly too - all mums are bias.

22nd Oct 1997...
Woke up at 7ish morning to kiss Daddy whilst he got ready to go to work. Lie down and dig face in pillow to get a few minutes more to laze. Little did I know that was the last morning for several years I could do the same.
8.30am - wash up and read a book. There were never really hunger pangs whilst having you.
10am - got ready for Gynae check today. We are seeing Suresh Nair at KK hospital almost every week now cos you are now about 39 weeks in gestation. You are not as active but I reckon it's because you are getting bigger and there's little room for you to move in there.
11.15am - there should be a lot of babies this year, judging from the usual 2-3 hours wait before I get a 20mins consultatation from Dr Nair. Oh, Jenny (Dr Nair's nurse) called and it's our turn!
I casually mentioned that you weren't as active as before and wanted him to give me the affirmation that it's normal. He kept quiet which is not his norm. Then, he looked at me and asked if I'm ready. Wow, so this is it?
He told me to prepare and be back at 2.30pm, the first thing I did was call your Daddy (on public phone). Since he's in a fluster, I gave specifics - to go home and change first, bring my already pre-pack bag and meet me at 2.30pm.
12pm - I took the shuttle bus to Bugis Junction and ordered lunch. We had a hearty meal, a bowl of black chicken soup and claypot rice. I did a little window shopping to try to calm my excitement.

I know that life would be different but was curious how much changes could it be. I wondered random things... How you look like - the scans were black patches and honestly, I see nothing. If I could slim down after that. If I could breastfeed you successfully. If you had hair. If you were fair like Daddy or darker like me. If I could do normal delivery. If you'd have good friends.

2.15pm - called Daddy and he's on the way. I told him I'd wait for him at the register counter.

He arrived and we did the paper work and stuff. I was told to go into the pre-maternity ward and was strapped down and linked to a machine that will monitor your hearbeat. I was then told by the nurse that she will insert a pill into me to induce birth.

My heart stopped for a minute. Why wasn't this explained earlier? Okay, I didn't ask cos I was swallow in the knowledge of giving birth but not totally ignorant!
Anyway, after the initial confusion and feeling let down. I let myself be cool about the entire situation. With the machine making rhythmic beeping sound, my lunch digesting.. I er.. slept. All I can say is that I know that I'm in good hands.
Poor Daddy had to wait outside restlessly and I'm not sure if he had lunch or not!

6ish evening - the nurse informed that if I had any contractions yet. I am aching from being strapped on for a few hours and had not felt anything else so groggily I asked "how does contraction feel like?". She looked pretty peeved before she went out. It was honestly a genuine question. She could have been more obliging.

They are pushing me to the delivery suite. Newly renovated, beautiful equipments and very comfy atmosphere.
A pair of handsome couple walked in and they told me that they are going to check me. Whispering that I was 4cm dilating. I felt pretty uncomfortable that these housemen checking my *ahem*. so I asked if Dr Suresh is here anytime soon. They just gave a silly smile and mumbled yes or something. I was there thinking that why do I need all these people to check me when I paid for a specialist Gynae.

Sometime later, a midwife came in to check and grunted that I'm dilating increasingly. Oh well, I thought that was a breeze, I had no contraction yet but I'm dilating!
*Nathan, you may not understand it now, you will when your wife tells you about it.*
She carried on her normal routine checks and then turn to daddy and told him to go for his dinner first. Giving birth takes a long time. Quite unlike movies eh?
And he did but promptly came back with newspaper, almost like in less than half an hour.

I feel a slight ache from spine but had no idea if it was due the earlier condition of being strapped.

8ish evening, I smell trouble when this midwife comes in. She swiftly did her routine and push out the drip. Before I know it, she held my left hand started poking. It hurt really bad! So bad that I teared involuntarily. I SWEAR! then the darn nurse said "cry what, later give birth more painful ah". At that moment, I felt like screaming at her but I didn't.
After several pokes to get the drip into my system, the needle was crooked which means the thin flesh and never below felt really twisted and the pain is excruciating. Before I could recover from that, she asked if I've pee-ed. I gave a questioning "huh" but does not mean no. She promptly shoved a tube into me and got the urine out. It's really painful and it also felt degrading. I screamed at her for being so rough and also gave her a piece of my mind cos I'm in such a pain before the actual contraction that I lost my mind.. and temper.

She looked as if she's deaf but walked out with my pee. I bet she had a smirk on her face.
Aftermath, another pair of interns came in. This time, I shouted at them as I could no longer stand being abused and lying there and could do nothing. I tried to close my legs and told them to get out. The only next person I want to see is Dr Nair, whom I've paid as a specialist not a consultant. Which means, I should not have been treated that way!

They had no choice but to walk off and daddy just quietly ask me not to offend people in the hospital.

Dr Nair came in, looking fresh and all. He asked in his smooth voice if I was alright, I was tempted to rant but I did not. I just asked how long more. He checked and congratulated me for being 10cm dilated. I told him that I felt some pain from spine and he says that that's contraction building up. I remembered my epidural and asked for it. He says that it's too late to administer and I should have ask for it earlier. If I had known what to ask for, I would have known how to deliver! I could now only live on gas (and the drip that was still hurting real bad).

10plus..night. The contractions were coming in very strong. So very strong. Daddy took out his little book and remind me of the breathing techniques. Honestly, in desperate times like this, all I could do was mindless. They ask me to breathe gas, I breathe and the spasms of pain pass through whilst I was "high" on the gas as I was not allowed to push you out yet.
The contractions duration became shorter, the pain more intense each time. The temptation to push was so strong.
Finally, at one point, I was denied of the gas and was asked to push you. You are ready.
The next thing I know, you slipped out and Dr Nair showed me a glimpse of you and your *ahem* to make sure you are the boy we've been expecting. I thought they were going to give me the gooey looking you. They cleaned you up whilst daddy gave me assurance that I did well.
They wrapped you up in a little bundle and pass to me. The first thing I said to you is, why are you so wrinkled up. haha. You really looked like an old person.

the nurse curtly told me to start latching you on so that you will learn to suckle and my breast will condition to nurse.

so there, that's how it was my labour day and your amazing entrance to our family.

Cheers to you and may there be many more celebrations to come.

how many and much is good...

I had my nephews over the whole of 9 days last week. They are 12 and 10. It gave me the chance to see if I could take care of 4 children as if they are of my own. It was all good, as it turns out, they were very obedient and great boys. Meal menu planned, laid down some simple houserules, went through with the 4 kids on their school tests/spelling etc... hey, I'm a pro!
It is not bad an idea to have so many kids in the house, we were able to fill up the monopoly and risk boardgame players. We had more exchanges of ideas on the TV programme we were watching. The house was filled with more laughter and quarrels. But overall, there was more energy filling up the space. But it was still such a short time to access whether it's a joy or pain to have that many children of my own.
I was and am content with just my 2 kids. I'm definitely stopping at 2 and have zero intentions and desires to have more. However, I don't deny that it's a joy to have more kids.. Whatever, God gave us children as like talents. We would need to be good steward over them.

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Nathan had shown some great improvements in doing some discipline work on his own since this week's school break. He read the Bible and did some home assessment without my asking! That's showing really good signs of maturity.

I had some me-me time at the jog but there were some mental block when I did the rounds, I could only wrap up with 1.4km today. I did 1.9km last fri. Somewhat dissappointed that my stamina did not build up since but the goal is to do 2.4km by end of this week.

AT work, though it was planned that my trip to US was gonna be mid April, it might happen earlier.. uh oh. my boss will let me know when I'll be fed to the sharks.
So Jeff, if you are reading this, I may make my appearance earlier than I'm willing to.

Hubby is super stressed for his work but he had some great news to share. He's promoted! Thank God for His providence and blessings!

something to think about..

we were having dinner on Sunday evening when Nathan asked a question all of the sudden.

The question:
Mum.. if we do something which we are not suppose to do. Would (in my head I was thinking he would ask - would God know) it be lying if I did not tell it?

Without a doubt, I said yes. Omission is also lying.
I did not go further into detail that there could be "white lie" which happens when you access the situation. I did not even probe him!

But later that night, I ponder upon this stange question he asked.

- is he hiding something from me?
- have I done something which I'm not suppose to and did not tell it to another person and he somehow know it (I could be unaware.. usually I will tell)
- did he want to tell me something else but I did not probe.

well, I left it open. He is already going to be 10 in October. He is really an intelligent boy who is also sensitive. I really hope that he would have by now develop the habit of telling me things instead of having to probe before sharing.

And this boy was so sweet. there is this debate the arena which I encouraged him to watch. This week's topic is Mother Knows Best. Mothers should stay at home to raise children.

He says that both parents knows best, mum just know better than dad.
Thanks alot for that confirmation son! haha

Nathan

The children are discouraged to have too much water before going to bed. Bedtime is strictly 10pm. Before 9pm, I make it a point to remind them to have a cup of water.. provided I am always at home by that time.
Somehow, perhaps motivated by some internal defiance, they like to have at least half a cup of water before bed. Tasha still is able to wake up and go to the toilet by herself. Nathan have had three days of bed wetting thrice in a row in Jan. Thank God for helper to clean up. However, it bothered me.
He says that he dreams of the act (going to toilet) thus it happens in reality. But so many times in a week?!
I noticed last night that his tongue has a patch that the Sinseh says that it is not normal. Something to do with his kidney. He did acupuncture on him and there were some apparent help.
Tonight, the hubby is bringing him to the sinseh to check on the condition again... have to remind him to look into his sinus problem too.