Over the weekend, on Sat nite to be precise, I went into some hormonal rage. I realised that it was due to PMS later really.
After the dinner at Harbour city, well it had already kicked off some sparks between the hubby and I. It was just that my head was flooded with pain and I said things that provoke him, of which I had totally no intentions and did not think it was. Now, that IS a problem issn't it.
Then, in the middle of the night (1.40am) , my headache just grew and turning to him, I asked for the tiger balm that I thought it was at his side of the bed. He flared up and scream at me. I recalled being too hurt by his uncaring reaction and at the same time, afraid that he will hit me out of rage - something he had done before. All possible negative thoughts came all at once. That I did not come from a blessed family (ridiculed by my MIL a few times), that I was not someone who do work, home well. I could not hold friends together. I have no close girlfriend. No one ever replies the emails I send for encouragement etc.......
the thought of growing old with the hubby seems super bleak after I sat down at the living room to recover from the verbal blows. I felt I did not want to continue my marriage life with him at all. I proposed a divorce. Now, to think of it, I was whining for attention but did not know how.
Then, he was also not forgiving to the fact that I am so insensitive to his sleep routine and threatened that if I leave, he and the children will leave Christian faith.
I felt..... so sad or rather in mandarin 委. Throbbing with headache, not only was I not being understood and taken care of, I was repremanded for kicking a fuss and at the same time threatened.
Then, I swallowed whatever feeling I felt at that point and ask for forgiveness for disturbing him from sleep. I got some medication to treat my headache myself. We were in bed at 2.45am.
He did express his regrets later in the morning and tells me he loves me. I did not answer and it could hurt him alot.
If you ask me now what my feelings are. I am numb. I know it must be Satan's attack but I don't know what to feel towards the hubby. I need no advise for now cos I will snap at any which comes along. That could signify that I still grudge him for treating me that shabbily.
Anyways... it's over right. yeah, it's just once in a bluemoon huge marital fight. Sometimes, it emerge with victory, sometimes, like this one, I emerge more disillusioned ever.
