birthdays..

would anyone ever know?

post Christmas

Boxing day was saved by Sis. Yes, I called her and boo-ed my woes out and she helped me by getting to her maid agency, we spent the morning getting through the maid. And headed for brunch before watching Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. I had originally thought that they'd be modifying the chipmunks too much and won't be able to bring out the true flavour. But as it turns out, it was entertaining! I especially love the songs they sing in a cappella and detest those hip hop songs, althought they look extremely cute dancing.
Will the soundtrack be worth buying?

.....

I've anticipated the day to come and it became one of the worst day of the year. It seems to me that my spouse cannot live without a helper. Without any meaning to complain or whatsoever, I did most of the housechores. The children can tell that I am doing alot and tries to do their part voluntarily. The spouse also does some but really, I clean, mop, wash, dust, cook ... amongst Christmas preparation for his side of party (traditionally, I'd buy, wrap the presents, cook a dish for the gathering for his family). This year, it's just too much pressure for me to do everything in perfection. The maid was schedule to come back on Christmas eve. Honestly, I don't know what happened. We bought a return flight for her and it's holiday so there is no way to check if she actually board the plane to Singapore. The spouse literally went into shock and complained how badly I handled the maid thing. We made a mistake by not buying insurance and if she came back but go missing, we'd need to cough up 5k. I told him that there is really nothing that we can do except to move on through Christmas and I will settle everything on 26th. He gave me hell on eve, not wanting to go Church but was "force" to attend because his nephews are going. He made tons of critical comments but I also had to add fuel to the fire by opposing to his critics. He was mad, I was mad. I tried to loosen him up and when he didn't, bullets from me start flying. The was quite a bad Christmas eve.

Christmas day came and I thought by morning, it should be okay. After a swifty clean up of the house, I started to dress my girl up so that we can get the stuff ready for the christmas gathering and as I was ready to go, he announced that he wants to have time to iron his clothes! because he had no work shirts to wear! @#$%#$%
There was 2 pants and 4 shirts in the ironing basket. He has at least 20 shirts in the wardrobe and no lack of pants, I even handwash his underwear so that he has the best! I made some really nasty comments and sulk. He did not make any point to make the suituation better and I decided at the point to sleep through the day. I was really tired. However, I had hoped that he could convince me out of it when he decided to give me the appreciation.

He didn't and threatened that if I didn't start for the gathering, he would boycott going to MY family gathering. That was it, we cold war and verbal fought from 10 am to 8.30pm. My children were already at the gathering so that really gave us lots of time to fight.

We've made up but even more so only when I called the airline and confirmed that the maid did not board the flight. He managed to cancel her work permit. I brought in a temporary maid and basically I took care of ... whatever needs taking care of.

And just for records, during that afternoon, I ironed all the clothes.

Christmas 2007, it'd be a day I want to forget.

woes..

Woe to being a modern woman.
With so much freedom, comes so much responsibility.
Woe to being a modern mum.
Expected to work like a man in office, yet worries for the children's future.
Woe to being a modern wife.
Knowing sexual needs yet cannot bring it all up after all a hard days work and hard night chores.
Woe to being a modern lady.
Experienced life but therefore need to be all rounder - beautiful, immaculate yet able to deal with housechores like magic.

This is Christmas 2007. A bitter one.

Wise words

My niece just finished her GCE 'O' levels examinations and during this holiday, she starts work at the airport. Her mum complains about how late she gets home. Knocking off at 11.30pm and reaching home at 12.15am. The daughter says that her mum is paranoid. The mum says it's so dangerous for a young girl to be home so late alone and they are not depending on her to bring home the dough. Mum kept nagging on about her nonchalant attitude towards safety.

I remembered my teenage years. Those days were when there's identity crisis and curfews to deal with.. and my cinderella cut off time? unrealistic 11.30pm - then I thought. I needed to work to feed myself then so I really felt that my parents were unreasonable. There were events I had to attend and they always end late. I had only teenage sense (which is equivalent to no-sense) at that time and was raving mad at my parents.
I thank God that I had a good friend who is slightly older and wise. He told me to that trust from my parents needed to be earned.
Feeling upset that he didn't understand that I was earning my keeps and that gave me the (false) rights to take control of my time. However, as his wise words sunk into my thick head, it made perfect sense. I somewhat managed to convince my parents with the details of my work and things I am doing out there. They started to give me more control of my own time and began to be less intrusive.

These set of words goes a long way. At work, I started to appreciate how I handled my parents and applied to my bosses, job interviews, sales calls....

Coming back to my niece, I said the same thing to her. She appeared irritated too but well, let's hope these wise words passes on.

"Power" Christmas Song

My LJ blog mummy friend put this up in her blog and this song gives me so much memories to Faith AG!
This song never fails to get me all teary. To think that we are like ikan bilis to God but yet He gave us the best Christmas gift.
This song is probably one of the most inspiring whenever I feel really depress, feeling thoroughly like the man hung, crying in the rain. Because of His love, I walk on with loads of strength.

Jin's blog

We Are The Reason
David Meece

As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love

I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

He is my reason to live


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei8QF40luzc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITYx4QhIEWs&feature=related

New York City revisit...

New York City this time feels like a totally different experience from the last time I was here.

My colleague who was here with me, gave me all the insights to shopping. REAL shopping. Century 21, Macy's, H&M.. her choices of designer tags for shoes, bags, clothes. She demostrated how heavenly NYC is for shopping. I totally agree with her!

After she left, my hubby joined me. He had packed all the NYC's sightseeing areas. From downtown - where Chelsea, Greenwich Village, Little Italy, Little Chinatown. To uptown - All the huge buildings of BIG brands at 5th Avenue are ... the architechure of it all blows me off.
Midtown is where we stay and Central (train) Station is. click, click, click.

Central Park walked through, Metropolitan Museum of Art toured, MOMA seen from outside. Rockefella is so different from Empire.
Yeah, we sure did a lot in 1.5 day.

That's all for now for NYC.

Next - Philadelphia, here we come.

For Nathan

I feel bad for spending the day being laden by marital woes yesterday when I really
should be celebrating Nathan's actual 10th birtday.

10 years ago, blogging and phototaking has not birth but my son had.
10 years ago, if I had invested what I did in my son, I could be rich - materially but not spiritually, emotional and all intangible benefits where I don't know how to start describing.
10 years ago, I look at the wailing infant and wonder if he'd ever grow up. This kid certainly did. Brilliantly too - all mums are bias.

22nd Oct 1997...
Woke up at 7ish morning to kiss Daddy whilst he got ready to go to work. Lie down and dig face in pillow to get a few minutes more to laze. Little did I know that was the last morning for several years I could do the same.
8.30am - wash up and read a book. There were never really hunger pangs whilst having you.
10am - got ready for Gynae check today. We are seeing Suresh Nair at KK hospital almost every week now cos you are now about 39 weeks in gestation. You are not as active but I reckon it's because you are getting bigger and there's little room for you to move in there.
11.15am - there should be a lot of babies this year, judging from the usual 2-3 hours wait before I get a 20mins consultatation from Dr Nair. Oh, Jenny (Dr Nair's nurse) called and it's our turn!
I casually mentioned that you weren't as active as before and wanted him to give me the affirmation that it's normal. He kept quiet which is not his norm. Then, he looked at me and asked if I'm ready. Wow, so this is it?
He told me to prepare and be back at 2.30pm, the first thing I did was call your Daddy (on public phone). Since he's in a fluster, I gave specifics - to go home and change first, bring my already pre-pack bag and meet me at 2.30pm.
12pm - I took the shuttle bus to Bugis Junction and ordered lunch. We had a hearty meal, a bowl of black chicken soup and claypot rice. I did a little window shopping to try to calm my excitement.

I know that life would be different but was curious how much changes could it be. I wondered random things... How you look like - the scans were black patches and honestly, I see nothing. If I could slim down after that. If I could breastfeed you successfully. If you had hair. If you were fair like Daddy or darker like me. If I could do normal delivery. If you'd have good friends.

2.15pm - called Daddy and he's on the way. I told him I'd wait for him at the register counter.

He arrived and we did the paper work and stuff. I was told to go into the pre-maternity ward and was strapped down and linked to a machine that will monitor your hearbeat. I was then told by the nurse that she will insert a pill into me to induce birth.

My heart stopped for a minute. Why wasn't this explained earlier? Okay, I didn't ask cos I was swallow in the knowledge of giving birth but not totally ignorant!
Anyway, after the initial confusion and feeling let down. I let myself be cool about the entire situation. With the machine making rhythmic beeping sound, my lunch digesting.. I er.. slept. All I can say is that I know that I'm in good hands.
Poor Daddy had to wait outside restlessly and I'm not sure if he had lunch or not!

6ish evening - the nurse informed that if I had any contractions yet. I am aching from being strapped on for a few hours and had not felt anything else so groggily I asked "how does contraction feel like?". She looked pretty peeved before she went out. It was honestly a genuine question. She could have been more obliging.

They are pushing me to the delivery suite. Newly renovated, beautiful equipments and very comfy atmosphere.
A pair of handsome couple walked in and they told me that they are going to check me. Whispering that I was 4cm dilating. I felt pretty uncomfortable that these housemen checking my *ahem*. so I asked if Dr Suresh is here anytime soon. They just gave a silly smile and mumbled yes or something. I was there thinking that why do I need all these people to check me when I paid for a specialist Gynae.

Sometime later, a midwife came in to check and grunted that I'm dilating increasingly. Oh well, I thought that was a breeze, I had no contraction yet but I'm dilating!
*Nathan, you may not understand it now, you will when your wife tells you about it.*
She carried on her normal routine checks and then turn to daddy and told him to go for his dinner first. Giving birth takes a long time. Quite unlike movies eh?
And he did but promptly came back with newspaper, almost like in less than half an hour.

I feel a slight ache from spine but had no idea if it was due the earlier condition of being strapped.

8ish evening, I smell trouble when this midwife comes in. She swiftly did her routine and push out the drip. Before I know it, she held my left hand started poking. It hurt really bad! So bad that I teared involuntarily. I SWEAR! then the darn nurse said "cry what, later give birth more painful ah". At that moment, I felt like screaming at her but I didn't.
After several pokes to get the drip into my system, the needle was crooked which means the thin flesh and never below felt really twisted and the pain is excruciating. Before I could recover from that, she asked if I've pee-ed. I gave a questioning "huh" but does not mean no. She promptly shoved a tube into me and got the urine out. It's really painful and it also felt degrading. I screamed at her for being so rough and also gave her a piece of my mind cos I'm in such a pain before the actual contraction that I lost my mind.. and temper.

She looked as if she's deaf but walked out with my pee. I bet she had a smirk on her face.
Aftermath, another pair of interns came in. This time, I shouted at them as I could no longer stand being abused and lying there and could do nothing. I tried to close my legs and told them to get out. The only next person I want to see is Dr Nair, whom I've paid as a specialist not a consultant. Which means, I should not have been treated that way!

They had no choice but to walk off and daddy just quietly ask me not to offend people in the hospital.

Dr Nair came in, looking fresh and all. He asked in his smooth voice if I was alright, I was tempted to rant but I did not. I just asked how long more. He checked and congratulated me for being 10cm dilated. I told him that I felt some pain from spine and he says that that's contraction building up. I remembered my epidural and asked for it. He says that it's too late to administer and I should have ask for it earlier. If I had known what to ask for, I would have known how to deliver! I could now only live on gas (and the drip that was still hurting real bad).

10plus..night. The contractions were coming in very strong. So very strong. Daddy took out his little book and remind me of the breathing techniques. Honestly, in desperate times like this, all I could do was mindless. They ask me to breathe gas, I breathe and the spasms of pain pass through whilst I was "high" on the gas as I was not allowed to push you out yet.
The contractions duration became shorter, the pain more intense each time. The temptation to push was so strong.
Finally, at one point, I was denied of the gas and was asked to push you. You are ready.
The next thing I know, you slipped out and Dr Nair showed me a glimpse of you and your *ahem* to make sure you are the boy we've been expecting. I thought they were going to give me the gooey looking you. They cleaned you up whilst daddy gave me assurance that I did well.
They wrapped you up in a little bundle and pass to me. The first thing I said to you is, why are you so wrinkled up. haha. You really looked like an old person.

the nurse curtly told me to start latching you on so that you will learn to suckle and my breast will condition to nurse.

so there, that's how it was my labour day and your amazing entrance to our family.

Cheers to you and may there be many more celebrations to come.

about marital fights

we've been doing alot of verbal fights these days between us. I hate it but I've been trying my utmost best to ignore it. It's been like for 8 months already.

Perhaps because there is a bugging resentment in me and when I say it, he does not want to acknowledge it at all.
My temperament is always been on the hot side. To me, I've been calming that alot, it takes enormous effort to do it but he expects it and I do have the feeling that he takes it for granted and does not appreciate.
On top of that, he always gives me the feeling that I can choose to be flexible in my job arrangement. It really does not matter to me to give more to the family but don't treat it like I'm a full time homemaker! I resent the fact that I'm doing everything and contributing to the dough too.

His priority differs alot from me. To him, he is already giving me support by fetching me to the run. But my brother in law not only sends his wife there, when they saw her coming in, they were cheering for her excitedly. Me, I was all alone when I came in and broke into cold sweat cos of my tummy ache and he wasn't there. I was very disappointed and I kept a straight face throughout the entire day and brushed it off my mind till he mentioned that he saw his sisters coming in only after he saw his brother cheering in his wife. I then mentioned that I was really sad that he and the kids was not there, what he answered could have made me fume but i didn't. He said:
1) he did not know where the end point was - hello, I wasn't the first participant to come in, who is he kidding?
2) he had to bring the kids to eat breakfast. He knows that I won't blame him if it's anything to do with kids.
3) he had to go through the science work my nephew had done. At the run? I pity his nephew and wonder why he had to do it during that time.
4) It's hard to lug 3 kids around. Saying as if they were only toddlers, I don't buy this.

I give up hoping, in fact, if I hadn't. I won't be able to sleep with him. Perhaps I have too much expectation. Perhaps I wished he had cared a little more and don't give excuses when he did not.
For now, I'm trying to focus on his plus points so that I can appreciate him more than resenting.

New York, New York..

So it's approved and all confirmed. I'd be working on an event next month in Manhattan and work in the office for a couple of days... then it's holiday!

And hubby is coming to join me for this trip. We'd be roaming Times Square, fifth Avenue, central park. Visit MOMA, go up Rockefella centre and perhaps attend a broadway play. He would be doing the liberty cruise, perhaps go to Empire State Building, check out Gound zero near my overseas office on the days when I'm working. We hope to find White Castle joint to see the rave about the square shaped burger.

That's only the first part, we'd head down to Philadelphia, Washington DC then to Buffalo to see the famous beautiful Niagara falls. I'm really excited!

PLUS! we'd be in time for the madness sale at the outlets just after their thanksgiving holiday! I sure hope everything works out perfect.

kids questions

I am trying out the telecommunting scheme every Wednesdays. Last week, I had breakfast with my girl and she asks the strangest questions.
- Why do babies die in the stomach?
Her question took me quite by surprise and after answering her. It got me thinking on how I just wanted a normal, healthy baby then and how I've progress to demand so much more from her now. There are times like this that brings me back to the equilibrium. What are the essential moral education and when will it be too much to ask when I try to push her to do more than she wants to. I could be too loop sided sometimes in trying to think that it's their potential but I need to be more sensitive in not going on to lose the bond over the eagerness for their success.

When I asks why the question, it's apparently just another topic her friends and her discussed.

hmmm....

Then, my son asks me yet another strange question after our jog last evening.
- Do you put money in CPF?
- How do you do so?
- How do those who has their own business put money in CPF?
I thought it strange since it really doesn't affect a 10 year old very much. This is more factual so it's much easily tackled. He shrugged when asked why the questions, saying that there are just this hype over CPF monies and he just wanted to know the basis of it.

It's times like this I am amaze how "grown" they are and they are really thinking kids, not babies anymore. At 10 and 7, they curiosity and attitude are at the next level.

wow.

look-a-like meter

my sis put this up and I thought it'd be quite fun too to try to do the matching..





I have stronger genes?

On controversial topic

A colleague (also a fellow bro-in-christ) sent me an email he had sent to his friend/cousin on coming out his closet.

His friend referred to this blog http://theonlinecitizen.com/2007/09/10/toc-exclusive-otto-fongs-open-letter/which inspired him to be silent no longer about his sexual identity.


I once posted a blog on how disgusted I felt on the award winning movie, brokeback mountain and hurt a fellow blogger unwittyly. In all honesty, I had no malicious intentions. I just unleash personal thoughts and feelings about the film. And I have real life gay friends and we respect each other.
Am I considered shallow to not understand/befriend and (or even try to) accept homo or bi sexual? Am I term as "self righteous" and believe that God has had made man and woman but do not confuse either. It's always yay or nay, in or out, this or that. Not wishy washy half hearted or in betweens.

To put into some perspective of similar sin
I don't accept my luke warm attitude towards my faith too and it's digusting to be worldly christian. However, because I recognise that, I seek to be better and hope to be proud to face the God I serve when the day comes.
I believe it's a sin (as according to bible) but I sin everyday too. Sin is still ... sin. I am not above them not feel that I am more righteous than them.

My colleague correctly wrote about this topic "To a Christian being gay is like someone who is ill. We hate the disease but love the person. I believe once a gay person accepts Christ as his savior and Lord, and knows he is made righteous with God not by his own works, but by God's own works, the gay person will be healed. Jesus' blood continually washes the believer of all sins. A gay person once accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and savior will be forever saved, even when he is still a gay. But I believe his healing is not far off. In a way, God is the only true friend of a gay person. The world will never give grace and mercy to a sinner - any sinner, not just gay."

This has also open my understanding to partly why there is exasperation towards my bs group. Thank God for his wisdom.

growing pains...

"The reality is that pain is there to tell us something."

Grey's Anatomy, episode Living the dream



Oh, how true.



When Dr Bailey operated on the little girl, Megan (i think) who thought she was a superhero, she says that these are the times when we appreciate what pain brings us. It protects from harm.

It is however insane and inhumane and crazy to want to be in pain all the time. And when pain happens, there's no solution. We just need to breathe in and out and hope that pain subsides with time.

~

I'm totally exasperated.
with my girl and her P1 maths. She sometimes add when there is a minus sign or vice versa. Godspeed.
with my bibile study group. Mandated leader does not dictate causing too many indian chief.
with my hubby. ask me whether i want donuts. knowing him, i said no. he called again 10 mins later and said there is no q, ask me to buy or not. I said go ahead then. He commented that it's troublesome to lug the box home. DUH!!! then bloody don't ask since there is little intention! TMD!
with a product person who acts helpful in front of my sales people. Gives one word answers when there a need to gain his expertise *if any*.. I'm exasperate, remember.
With myself for wanting to go back to doing sales. I am in serious mid career crisis. urgh.

.... my menses is not due till next week, why am i so easily irritated?

What comes after Sinning

Sunday sermon was by John Ng. He is one of my favourite speaker and for a simple reason - very easy to understand so that I can try to apply in my daily walk.


He was preaching on Psalms 51. Relating to the incident where King David committed adultery as well as murder due to the sin of covet.
This verse reminds me of a chorus that I love to sing everytime I feel burden with the things I know I cannot do but yet do..

Creat in me a clean heart

Create in me a clean heart, O God
And renew a right spirit within me
Cast me not away from thy presence O Lord
And take not thy Holy Spirit from me
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation
And renew a right spirit within me


As much as I feel some relieve or uplifting from the song, the guilt in me still eats into me. Convicted and condemn at the same time. What John had preach did a large amount of assurance.


Restored and Recover

Not in the way of losing sensitivity and compassion. More of that to know that His precious blood and mercy has already redeemed us. So often, I take the restoration but forgot to recover (renew a right spirit within me) and that holds to a certain short term view towards future work for Him.

Fall of a modern 'great' man

In the same King David's context, John spoke about Jim Bakker , I know nothing about him as he is somewhat a legend in the 80s, some says that he is the world's most famous fallen tele-evangelist. Now I know what is the big hooha about the death of Tammy Faye .. What touched me about his story was not Jim but Billy Graham. Billy Graham visited J.Bakker when he was a prisoner, when the whole world wants nothing to do with Jim. The moment Billy Graham sees Jim, He hugged him and tells him that he love him (with the love of God). When Jim got out of prisons, Billy Graham paid for his house and car. Emotions crept into me, I felt alot like Jim. Although I was never at the height of public but I felt as human as Jim. Billy Graham is somewhat supernatural to demonstrate such love which only Jesus had shown.


My story

As a church youth leader, I did alot of things that was socially accepted. Don't get me wrong, I was also growing spiritually. However, my human nature is very weak and I still fall - and by grace of God, not many know what I have done. When I went to Australia to do my degree, I fell and I fell really hard. I engaged in pre-martital sex and realised that I was pregnant only after my then-boyfriend (now hubby) has come back after his finished his course of studies. He was also attending my then home church.

My mum had remitted monies for my school fees for the continuing term. The only thing that kept me going was my faith. I believed that although I have failed God, He still loves me and He will make my path straight again. Not as immediately though. I used my fees monies to buy me a one way ticket back home. Thank God that my partner in crime was supportive - bless him for his sense of responsibility and genuine love for me. He stood by me when I had to face my family, they had made things pretty ugly. Their demand made my status with my in laws really look bad. You see, I worked from my days since P6, IMO, I was a low maintenance kid. I had no tuition, since Sec 2, I paid for my own expenses including allowance. I paid for my own Poly diploma, gave my mum $300-400 per month - for future dowry she claims. When I wanted to go overseas to do my degree, I asked for the "dowry savings" and I promised to pay back after I finished my 2 years studies. She refused but accompanied me to take up a loan. It was very stressful for a 20 yo to think of all these, but I did. I got a guarantor on my own, borrowed a certain sum of money and went. Quite determine to come back with a vengence but God knows better. He wanted to mould my character.
My parents pushed my head further into the waters by asking my in laws to give $12000 hard cash. So that the loan is fully paid. For my dowry, I was given my commonwealth bank book - left A$2K and a very old chain with a jade with the shape of a fish.


For the first time, I knew what was called nothing-ness. I know abandoning. I know real friends. I know what is needy. I know the differences of advices.


I was needy - for sure. I had a bank account which I couldn't really use. I had $0 under my name except CPF savings. I was at the state of desperation. And for once, my mum gave me $50 out of pity.
But God gave sufficient. He gave my then-boyfriend a job so that he could pay for $336 for a pair of wedding band which we really wanted. Would anyone ever know that we cried over it because we were reprimanded for doing so? In that status, we should be whatever others bestow upon us - a pair of gold rings which costs $100 but we'll never wear.

We still went ahead to book a $3000 package which comprise of a wedding car, the bouquet on the actual day, the photos, the shoots... We live poorly but blissful. We also stuck on to God. I learnt from then not to depend on human strength nor human friends nor even family.
Hubby's friend, Desmond and his wife Wendy was someone who saw us through and through. Their blessings came in manifold. Desmond was my on-site camera man. His wife encouraged me, stood by me, told my parents and parents IL about God. Together, they helped to piece the missing pieces during our hardship. Bless them for shining through like ... Billy Graham. Most times, my home church die hard friends were not with me. they appeared on my wedding day, was my "sisters" and they did their best to bless my marriage.


My parents IL did all they could -worldly, to make a feast out of it. They took me in, gave us rental free home to set up our "nest", did my confinement, looked after my first born for us with whatever allowances my hubby gave - whether it be $400 or $600, they did the same. During those times, it was difficult. The learning curve was so hard.

From a person who has an opinion to someone who can only take opinions.
From a person who have a control of things have nothing.
From a person who can be carefree, now laden with loads of cares and hurts.
From a person who could make friends easily, now withdrawn because it's too painful to tell the story. To lie, depreciates the character so it's best to keep to oneself.


Our marriage also tasted it's downs. I have pre-post natal blues which hubby cannot really understand. Hard for him to take it all at once. Thank God he didn't become depress of something.
What you see now is a result of building up from scratch and with a large amount of God's blessings. Everytime I look at Nathan, I thank God that I did not take the easy way out to send him back to Heaven before he had a chance.


Now, after 10 years, when the dust has settled... Everyone says how blessed I am with a pair of children who is already so big. I agree, not without God's blessings. I can't relate to all of those who asks why I have children young..but I always say that the result looks good but the journey was really testing and tough. There are times now when I take things for granted but never without God's reminder.

With the victory and recovery over sin, I can relate when I sing about His amazing love. About God making the way for us. About standing amaze in His very presence. Amen..

About Cats

Hubby dislike cats, kittens. I had to come to his "rescue" at each appearance of a cat when we eat at the hawker centres.
We went to Ubi to have our Sunday lunch, Natasha spotted a grey striped kitten and went to it. The poor meow is thin to its bones and its right eye is infected. Tasha was talking to it and I can simply see her heart melted for it.
To distract her, I told her we will come back to check if the kitten is there after our lunch. She was totally easy for lunch, gobbled up her lunch before I can say hocuspocusdoddlelillydiddle.
She waited restlessly for me to finish my food as she was not allowed to visit the kitten on her own.
Alas, the kitten was still there when we returned. I told her that her daddy will not allow her to bring home. And the kitten is very sick already. I didn't expect that she would feel so much for the meow. Her tears came down. I cannot bear to see her that way because I am a softie when it comes to stray kittens too.
She tried to talk her daddy into rearing it but (expectedly) hubby will not be persuaded. She then returned to her seat and quietly sobbed. Not the sulking kind though.

It striked me that it's another milestone for her. She had never ask for pets, everytime we visit the shop where the hamsters, cats, rabbits are so cute, she will never ask to get them home. Perhaps because we already have a dog at home. But for this kitten, she simply could let go and I could feel so much compassion from her for the stray.

perseverance

I just did a course on written communication skills. Never too much to relearn or learn new techniques. The exams ended earlier this afternoon which explains my being home early.

Someone near my block is constantly playing the tune of A thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton - one of my fav song. For the half hour I'm here, the person repeatedly played on at least 25 times. What perseverance to get it perfected! I wish sometimes I am that determined.

toggling

I've got some post at life journal. Why so?

b'cos i cannot get the media embed here, I manage to get a few posts at LJ with uploaded video! Or perhaps it's only me who cannot do it here...


otherwise, i like the feeling of seclusion here at blogger. So thus this blog.



I have a dry cough and losing voice. The doc was not able to affirm what's the exact cause, there is no pain in/out my throat, there's a slight swell on the right tonsil that causes the dry cough but it should not have affected my voice box.


So I've decided to log into mails from home and try to work after this early morning's conference call with the US folks. Just in case my virus becomes lethal to some sitting nearby. Try to work? because most applications are still accessible only in the office.



Perhaps it was due to stress teaching the little ones. Nathan kena big time chastise from me. He is an achiever but hell of a lazy bum.
I found out that his chinese 造句, 作文, 写词.. workbook were not done. One of it left a teacher's remarks 不要懒惰. There were so many time and chance to finish up on Friday, Sat and Sun but it was simply left undone. There were several (too many) 改正 that was not done too.
I am one who believe that one person's success attributes from 80% hardwork and 20% intelligence.



I hate to be labelled a "Kiasu" mum. I honestly wasn't trying to boost his results up. He did really quite well for his mid year. All in the band 1 region. tis time, it was more of my believe. I firmly believe that having the right attitude, right morals and right religion goes a long long way. God dictates how the children will live their lives. I only have but the stewardship role. I cannot and won't condone to laziness.



Ms Tasha on the other hand gives us a different challenge altogether. She is loving and can give some wit answers at times. But she's fond of lying. Okay, fond of lying is rather heavy. She's lies quite a fair bit. Not sure why that nature but it should really be nip very soon if not immediately. It is so natural for a person to lie under pressure to perform, right. Did I force that, perhaps.. let me take a recent example, I asked if she is okay with the guzhen lessons, she says it was all good. How was I to know that she had weakness in rythum unless she does not feel that she needs to excel in front of me. I honestly did not impose any standard on her guzheng. I even bought a set for her to practice at home. Perhaps my natural high expectations has taken a toll on her.

tasha and her $800 package guzheng

In terms of acedemic, she is rather poor in grasping concepts for Maths. I am so leaving this to hubby. I might come close to strangling this poor girl if I teach. haha. that is how little patience I have with my own kids. I wish God would pour more of that fruit on me instantenously rather having to mould this trait.

I wish I was more easy going, let loose, live more carefree. But most times, I tend to care more than I should. It's funny how parenting makes us do. We have no qualms in buying anything for them, $800 guzheng, $130 for piano lessons, $400 for the classical piano (2nd hand). Bird's nest for them - easily a few hundred bucks. Dong cong cao, Ginseng. Whatever expensive items you name that will make them grow into well adjusted, educated, all rounder, I'll get. Sometimes, even to the extend of getting the cheapest quote around for Ninetendo Wii, one of the reason why we've not got it yet. When they were younger, the time was the biggest sacrifice.

Is it all worthwhile. yes, I believe it does. I don't mind what i've given to them and have not thought of getting it all back. I just want to have sensible, well adjusted kids. In all hope, to make this world a better place.

This maid thing...

is driving me nuts. I animated over lunch to a colleague on what happened last night with my maid and I confirm it in my head that I should not be relying so much on her.

Over the last one and half years of hiring her to do the job, in fairness, she had been rather quick to pick up the skills which I wanted her to. When she is in the right frame of mind (not thinking of her own home problem), she handles my housework and kids okay. She does not steal or see other man (I hope). Although I tell her not to make friends, she disobeyed, I have yet to really nip it.

But every 4-5 months, she will act up. She will give me attitude, talk back when I told her that the work is done incorrectly. And it really makes my blood boil when she does that. She quite so often has done the exact opposite of what I expect of her. And it usually elevates when she calls home and thinks that her mum is not managing her send home funds - like help her dad with his medical fee.

It happened again, starting from last tues when I find it strange that her dinner presentation was bad. I suspected that she must have called home again and got affected by her family. But I kept mum and observed her. Then yesterday, Natasha had a fall and scraped her knee. With that, there was a small open wound and very dirty feet. I instructed Natasha to wash up the wound to avoid infection but she forgot. I have not even undress for the night as I was packing other stuff and she asked Natasha to change into her long pants pajamas, which Tasha blurr blurr follow instructions. I was mad at both of them so I reprimanded both. Natasha quickly changed into her short pants and I turn to the maid and asked her why she tells my daughter to do the wrong thing. It was not the first time she was told that wounds needs to be cleaned up. I did not have the time to do it immediately that's why I was mad that it happened too quickly and wrongly! She answered back that it was Natasha's fault. When I say that she was responsible for the wrong, she stared and "gin" at me - giving my attitude to tell me that I have wrongly accused her!!! My blood was definitely boiling at 100 degrees at this point so I ask her to get out of my sight, she answered back " so you ask me to go out one huh!". I fummed and I think my blood pressure must have gone up to by leaps. I pulled her shirt and bring her to my hubs and asks him to talk to her because I would slap her anytime.

When I cooled down, i asked her to point out what is going on. She admitted that she called home to find out that her dad is "tortured" under her mum. She says that she wants to go home to rest and bring her dad out and stay with her grandma first.
i told her that she's free to go but continued to nag at her because I was thinking of the hard work of training her and I have to start all over again.
My hubs hit the jackpot by showing her that if she continues for another 7 months, she has XXX amount. If she goes back now, she'll have to pay her air ticket and have only XX amount left. How much help can she give her dad with the XX amount now.

Before I slept, I felt I was stuck. Let her go and I have to train another one for another 3 months, may have chance that I have a problematic one too. Let her stay, I cannot be sure when she acts up again. Argh, the pain.

She apologises this morning and tells me she wants to continue to work. I just told her off that if she acts up again, I will not nag or hesitate to let her go and went on to work.

I called my Father-IL to go to my place to check on my girl so that I am assured that things does not go out of hand - just in case.

I am gonna do maid hunting again. Not so confident in her this time, compared to the last time. Perhaps it's because I have been alot nicer to her her yet she gives me such attitude which I cannot forgive so easily. when she first came, I set alot of firm rules so I may not be the easiest person to like at that time.

Aiyah, this is so frustrating. As a work outside home mum, I am just so helpless. I love my kids and I love my current job. There's gotta be some better way to handle this trapped situation, except, it might cost me alot more too. *sigh*

what a weekend!

Natasha is such a darling, she took some materials which I was preparing for Sunday school and started to do her father's day card for hubs.
As it turns out, it was a touching piece of work. My hubs got his affirmation of being a great dad from his little girl. The card says he is great because he teaches her everything! I am jealous. I didn't get anything that will jerk my tears on mother's day. heh, but I'm glad that my hubs is a great dad in the eyes of my children.
What I was really please with the little piece of work was that when she did it, she asks no one for help. At 6.5 years old, she has proven that she's independent and loving. Plus she can write passages on her own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
I never really know when is the dumpling festival. Every year, the only thing I know is to eat the delicious dumplings my MIL makes.
Some years ago, I tried to make the dumplings but always fail the last part of wrapping. It is really difficult and I gave up since. This year, I am very determine to get at least one out by myself. So on Sat, I set my mind, my soul, my hands to take on the task.
It took me 3 hours to finally accomplish the last step of wrapping. And I only did ONE. My skills needs lotsa practice. My sisters-IL and MIL had already done 170. haha, sounds like a loser hor. Hubs had to rub it in and told me to practise with sand. er horkay... growl.

The weather yesterday was so perfect. It was windy, non humid, dark clouds but no signs of rain.
We went biking at our nearby park. I rented the double bike and rode it with Nathan. We spent a great 1.5hrs being friends. Natasha and I did a 15mins ride on the double bike and she talked non-stop. haha.
They enjoyed it so much that they hope we can do it again.

We headed for dinner at trusted Pu Tien restaurant

Only at the orginal one. It's the second time we went back to the place. They provide valet parking, free corkage and good food with reasonable price. Another thumbs up for them for performing under stress. It was so packed with people but yet the quality of the food was only slightly compromised. We had:

1) Hing Hwa Combination Platter
2) Bamboo Herbal Prawns
3) Hin Hwa Fried Mee Sua
4) Deep Fried Duck with Yam paste
5) Fish soup
6) brinjal with pork floss (new dish)
7) fried bun with pork strips
8) sweet sour pork with lychee
9) Sea cucumber with vegetables

We wanted the home made bean curd but it was a sold out. too bad.

For 14 persons with the above dishes, we spent 390 bucks. My MIL was worried the bill will be about $500 plus, judging that the food was really yummy.

There was no pic taken because I was too hungry since we biked before dinner. Also, everyone was "snatching" food cos dinner started at 8pm.

The slight drop in standard was the mee sua. It was not fried the way I wanted it. I like the dry version but yesterday, they gave us the wet one. The fish soup, was not consistent. The first one we had sometime ago, the soup had more flavour. It added some fried dried scallops and shallots. There was none found in the soup yesterday although it was still yummy.

the food pics I took the first time we were there..