I did feel a bit of a slack starting of this year. Still hoping that a gush of energy will emerge somehow from somewhere.
what's memorable this CNY?
- Constance's red bean soup/paste with HD Hazelnut crunch ice-cream
- short but power catching-up gathering at Jake and Dinah's place.
- Jas's white fungus dessert, though too sweet but worth a try to make.
- the little gambling game with my family. Why didn't we do that when Dad is alive?
- Natasha looks perfectly sweet in her Pink Cheong Sam.
- 5 days straight no work and all nua since I took leave on Monday (the 11th).
- We tortured Nathan to play mahjong with us till past midnight - without realising it.
Valentines?
I started the morning with hubby's love proclaimation and kisses. We went to Swirl to chill out after the usual dinner at home.
Honestly, hubby is not the kind that would gladly drive from Pasir Ris to Bt Timah to have dessert. He obliged to my request just because ... I asked. The gesture he made is way sweeter than flowers.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Cherish
I came home, cherishing the kids. I told them about Canaan and Nathan asked about Celebral Palsy. I pieced a lesson about commiting our weakness to God who will provide everything we need.
In times like this, HE would give us comfort and is our refuge.
ISaiah 40:31 says - but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
My nephew who is staying with us for 2 weeks thought and said that Canaan did not live because he did something bad in his previous life, Natasha and Nathan rebutt immediately that there is no previous life. Life is a gift from God. Nathan added that God has a purpose for this to happen.
Dinah, Canaan's aunt wrote this:
Dearest Canaan,
You came so quickly, you left so soon.
You were so little, yet so big in our hearts.
You were so fragile, yet you fought with such strength.
You spoke no words, yet you taught us so much.
You lived for a little while, yet you live in our hearts forever.
You showed us who we are.
You showed us who God is.
Thank you.
Goodbye, my little nephew.
In times like this, HE would give us comfort and is our refuge.
ISaiah 40:31 says - but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
My nephew who is staying with us for 2 weeks thought and said that Canaan did not live because he did something bad in his previous life, Natasha and Nathan rebutt immediately that there is no previous life. Life is a gift from God. Nathan added that God has a purpose for this to happen.
Dinah, Canaan's aunt wrote this:
Dearest Canaan,
You came so quickly, you left so soon.
You were so little, yet so big in our hearts.
You were so fragile, yet you fought with such strength.
You spoke no words, yet you taught us so much.
You lived for a little while, yet you live in our hearts forever.
You showed us who we are.
You showed us who God is.
Thank you.
Goodbye, my little nephew.
Gracious Grace
When it comes to death to a close one, there is little comfort other people can provide. All the more a mother losing her newborn. Only God can soothe that deep pain.
Canaan came to the world during Christmas 07 and had his last fight on Monday. Though it all, God was present. I cry for a friend who is hurting that much, I cry for a child who has not had a chance to get to know his love ones better, I cry for Grace who demonstrating true faith, I cry for God's shower of love and blessings though this ordeal, I cry because I remember.
Bye Bye baby Canaan
Canaan joining Jesus
Canaan came to the world during Christmas 07 and had his last fight on Monday. Though it all, God was present. I cry for a friend who is hurting that much, I cry for a child who has not had a chance to get to know his love ones better, I cry for Grace who demonstrating true faith, I cry for God's shower of love and blessings though this ordeal, I cry because I remember.
Bye Bye baby Canaan
Canaan joining Jesus
Friday, January 11, 2008
....
On the way to office this morning, I spotted a good looking chap at the lobby. And he is a staff. Fwah, some department finally made some good sense in hiring.
... hmm, life is getting mundane to being caring about trival things eh?
... hmm, life is getting mundane to being caring about trival things eh?
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
I can only imagine
A source of inspiration for:
- providing good stewardship over my kids
- Do that impossible runs or biathalon or even triathalon
The story of the Hoyt team.
- providing good stewardship over my kids
- Do that impossible runs or biathalon or even triathalon
The story of the Hoyt team.
Keeping the goal alive
Got my butt off my comfy sofa and did my practice run with Nathan. I did 2Km in 20mins and he did 1.5km though he walked more than jog.
The air was breezy and cool. We saw vibrant coloured blooms and a blue bird decided to pop by our path!
There was no particular excitement to the new year. 2008 seemed to just a better adjusted 2007. I had a lot of reservation and uncertainty when I first joined, albeit the wonderful support system provided. There were times when I jitter at the thought of my boss throwing new challenges or the time he was absent.
He dropped the bomb last Sat telling me he had to report for reservist for 2 weeks, I felt that I could totally handle part of his job. However, I hope that there would be no major hiccups I have to manage.
The only item that makes my adrenaline run faster is more events planning! 1 in Feb, 1 before Summer and the 2 in Nov for USA. There will be stuff to do for Australia and UK in the second half of the year. Although, the pay still suffer that bit in comparison to doing sales. I still don't have the urge to move back.
I had only wanted to do a 10km and really just maybe the 21km for the year end Standard Chartered run. My colleague is tempting me to do a Biathalon - run + bike. KK gave me a wet blanket last night and I was pretty upset though he is right. I have just learn to crawl and now I want to jump over the high pole? I am not defeated by mere words but by the lazy bug in me. It'd mean alot of training with clinics. Can I cope being a person who wants almost everything right - at home and at work. Wiser to handle something I can swallow.
The rain suddenly disrupts my thoughts.. Wendy asks who reads my blog. There was no real answer at that point because I felt I was still a comment whore. Now, these are irrelevant. I write when I have the inspiration, when I read back my blogs, they are pretty meaningful. I thought that my kids at 6 and 2.5 yo back in year 2003 were big, I had wanted to be a SAHM when both are in their primary school (didn't happen afterall), pics had to be scanned, I took photos and uploaded the kids' school projects and achievements... fwah, so much took place in and about our lives. Though firm friendships didn't form, I am still glad I wrote.
And I'd keep writing.
Thank God for always being in and around us.
The air was breezy and cool. We saw vibrant coloured blooms and a blue bird decided to pop by our path!
There was no particular excitement to the new year. 2008 seemed to just a better adjusted 2007. I had a lot of reservation and uncertainty when I first joined, albeit the wonderful support system provided. There were times when I jitter at the thought of my boss throwing new challenges or the time he was absent.
He dropped the bomb last Sat telling me he had to report for reservist for 2 weeks, I felt that I could totally handle part of his job. However, I hope that there would be no major hiccups I have to manage.
The only item that makes my adrenaline run faster is more events planning! 1 in Feb, 1 before Summer and the 2 in Nov for USA. There will be stuff to do for Australia and UK in the second half of the year. Although, the pay still suffer that bit in comparison to doing sales. I still don't have the urge to move back.
I had only wanted to do a 10km and really just maybe the 21km for the year end Standard Chartered run. My colleague is tempting me to do a Biathalon - run + bike. KK gave me a wet blanket last night and I was pretty upset though he is right. I have just learn to crawl and now I want to jump over the high pole? I am not defeated by mere words but by the lazy bug in me. It'd mean alot of training with clinics. Can I cope being a person who wants almost everything right - at home and at work. Wiser to handle something I can swallow.
The rain suddenly disrupts my thoughts.. Wendy asks who reads my blog. There was no real answer at that point because I felt I was still a comment whore. Now, these are irrelevant. I write when I have the inspiration, when I read back my blogs, they are pretty meaningful. I thought that my kids at 6 and 2.5 yo back in year 2003 were big, I had wanted to be a SAHM when both are in their primary school (didn't happen afterall), pics had to be scanned, I took photos and uploaded the kids' school projects and achievements... fwah, so much took place in and about our lives. Though firm friendships didn't form, I am still glad I wrote.
And I'd keep writing.
Thank God for always being in and around us.
my last written post in LJ
2007 had been honestly a fruitful year and the months flew a little too fast. Recalling the good bits and achievements of the year. I have short fuse memory for bad things.
Work
- Thank God for a helpful, understanding and can-click mentor/immediate male reporting boss. Thank God for a Christian lady overall boss.
- Given a lot of opportunities to learn and push through some initiatives I suggested.
- Given the flexibility to balance work and family time.
- Strictly no work after work.
- I have a new laptop and it fits my coach hampton bag. woot.
Home
- Nathan and Natasha did well for their school work.
- Thank God for providing great teachers to guide them.
- Tasha achieved honours for Ballet and Distinction for Guzeng. The highest grades, totally impressed with her.
- Nathan's condition did not need any more surgery and schedule to see Dr Hui again Nov/Dec08.
- Nathan displayed several grow up milestones ... ie : finish meal in 10 mins, it used to take him at least 20 to 40 mins. He joins his schools extra activities on his own accord and informs me (not asking me for permission - Thank God they are all healthy and good activities).
- When my domestic helper went on home leave (and didn't come back), they help with simple housechores voluntarily.
- We are hooked on playing board games - Settlers, Queen's Necklace, Blokus.
- We have Wii. hubby is tennis pro, Tasha is a Bowling pro, Nathan and I are Guitar heroes.
- Thank God for good health.
- Nathan performed as part of the Chinese Orchestra for a Mid Autumn festival celebration.
- Nathan performed as a member at a Malay dance for School's carnival.
- Tasha enjoys her P1 tremendously.
- They attended the ARISE camp.
- The old folks at home are reasonably healthy.
Self
- toured Japan (Tokyo, Osaka and Hakone) and USA (New York, Washington, Niagara falls, Lancaster). Somewhat a dream come true?
- obtain PC to play 9 hole golf.
- ran 5km at a GE woman's run.
- won air tickets worth $3K and $20 robinsons vouchers.
What do I want for 2008?
- Good Health for all in family
- good pay increment!
- do a mission trip
- pick up painting or drawing
- do a 10km run
- hubby to take up his Masters (in whatever course).
- Kids to do well for school and ECAs
- hone my golf skills
- Able to take on the job challenges given (more marketing event planning!)
- less verbal fights for us
- good domestic helper
- take up a course or two to improve on Sunday school teaching
- attend a seminar or two for Christian life improvement.
- try not to repeat the bad bits of 2007.
CHEERS to a brand new year!
Work
- Thank God for a helpful, understanding and can-click mentor/immediate male reporting boss. Thank God for a Christian lady overall boss.
- Given a lot of opportunities to learn and push through some initiatives I suggested.
- Given the flexibility to balance work and family time.
- Strictly no work after work.
- I have a new laptop and it fits my coach hampton bag. woot.
Home
- Nathan and Natasha did well for their school work.
- Thank God for providing great teachers to guide them.
- Tasha achieved honours for Ballet and Distinction for Guzeng. The highest grades, totally impressed with her.
- Nathan's condition did not need any more surgery and schedule to see Dr Hui again Nov/Dec08.
- Nathan displayed several grow up milestones ... ie : finish meal in 10 mins, it used to take him at least 20 to 40 mins. He joins his schools extra activities on his own accord and informs me (not asking me for permission - Thank God they are all healthy and good activities).
- When my domestic helper went on home leave (and didn't come back), they help with simple housechores voluntarily.
- We are hooked on playing board games - Settlers, Queen's Necklace, Blokus.
- We have Wii. hubby is tennis pro, Tasha is a Bowling pro, Nathan and I are Guitar heroes.
- Thank God for good health.
- Nathan performed as part of the Chinese Orchestra for a Mid Autumn festival celebration.
- Nathan performed as a member at a Malay dance for School's carnival.
- Tasha enjoys her P1 tremendously.
- They attended the ARISE camp.
- The old folks at home are reasonably healthy.
Self
- toured Japan (Tokyo, Osaka and Hakone) and USA (New York, Washington, Niagara falls, Lancaster). Somewhat a dream come true?
- obtain PC to play 9 hole golf.
- ran 5km at a GE woman's run.
- won air tickets worth $3K and $20 robinsons vouchers.
What do I want for 2008?
- Good Health for all in family
- good pay increment!
- do a mission trip
- pick up painting or drawing
- do a 10km run
- hubby to take up his Masters (in whatever course).
- Kids to do well for school and ECAs
- hone my golf skills
- Able to take on the job challenges given (more marketing event planning!)
- less verbal fights for us
- good domestic helper
- take up a course or two to improve on Sunday school teaching
- attend a seminar or two for Christian life improvement.
- try not to repeat the bad bits of 2007.
CHEERS to a brand new year!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
post Christmas
Boxing day was saved by Sis. Yes, I called her and boo-ed my woes out and she helped me by getting to her maid agency, we spent the morning getting through the maid. And headed for brunch before watching Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. I had originally thought that they'd be modifying the chipmunks too much and won't be able to bring out the true flavour. But as it turns out, it was entertaining! I especially love the songs they sing in a cappella and detest those hip hop songs, althought they look extremely cute dancing.
Will the soundtrack be worth buying?
Will the soundtrack be worth buying?
.....
I've anticipated the day to come and it became one of the worst day of the year. It seems to me that my spouse cannot live without a helper. Without any meaning to complain or whatsoever, I did most of the housechores. The children can tell that I am doing alot and tries to do their part voluntarily. The spouse also does some but really, I clean, mop, wash, dust, cook ... amongst Christmas preparation for his side of party (traditionally, I'd buy, wrap the presents, cook a dish for the gathering for his family). This year, it's just too much pressure for me to do everything in perfection. The maid was schedule to come back on Christmas eve. Honestly, I don't know what happened. We bought a return flight for her and it's holiday so there is no way to check if she actually board the plane to Singapore. The spouse literally went into shock and complained how badly I handled the maid thing. We made a mistake by not buying insurance and if she came back but go missing, we'd need to cough up 5k. I told him that there is really nothing that we can do except to move on through Christmas and I will settle everything on 26th. He gave me hell on eve, not wanting to go Church but was "force" to attend because his nephews are going. He made tons of critical comments but I also had to add fuel to the fire by opposing to his critics. He was mad, I was mad. I tried to loosen him up and when he didn't, bullets from me start flying. The was quite a bad Christmas eve.
Christmas day came and I thought by morning, it should be okay. After a swifty clean up of the house, I started to dress my girl up so that we can get the stuff ready for the christmas gathering and as I was ready to go, he announced that he wants to have time to iron his clothes! because he had no work shirts to wear! @#$%#$%
There was 2 pants and 4 shirts in the ironing basket. He has at least 20 shirts in the wardrobe and no lack of pants, I even handwash his underwear so that he has the best! I made some really nasty comments and sulk. He did not make any point to make the suituation better and I decided at the point to sleep through the day. I was really tired. However, I had hoped that he could convince me out of it when he decided to give me the appreciation.
He didn't and threatened that if I didn't start for the gathering, he would boycott going to MY family gathering. That was it, we cold war and verbal fought from 10 am to 8.30pm. My children were already at the gathering so that really gave us lots of time to fight.
We've made up but even more so only when I called the airline and confirmed that the maid did not board the flight. He managed to cancel her work permit. I brought in a temporary maid and basically I took care of ... whatever needs taking care of.
And just for records, during that afternoon, I ironed all the clothes.
Christmas 2007, it'd be a day I want to forget.
Christmas day came and I thought by morning, it should be okay. After a swifty clean up of the house, I started to dress my girl up so that we can get the stuff ready for the christmas gathering and as I was ready to go, he announced that he wants to have time to iron his clothes! because he had no work shirts to wear! @#$%#$%
There was 2 pants and 4 shirts in the ironing basket. He has at least 20 shirts in the wardrobe and no lack of pants, I even handwash his underwear so that he has the best! I made some really nasty comments and sulk. He did not make any point to make the suituation better and I decided at the point to sleep through the day. I was really tired. However, I had hoped that he could convince me out of it when he decided to give me the appreciation.
He didn't and threatened that if I didn't start for the gathering, he would boycott going to MY family gathering. That was it, we cold war and verbal fought from 10 am to 8.30pm. My children were already at the gathering so that really gave us lots of time to fight.
We've made up but even more so only when I called the airline and confirmed that the maid did not board the flight. He managed to cancel her work permit. I brought in a temporary maid and basically I took care of ... whatever needs taking care of.
And just for records, during that afternoon, I ironed all the clothes.
Christmas 2007, it'd be a day I want to forget.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
woes..
Woe to being a modern woman.
With so much freedom, comes so much responsibility.
Woe to being a modern mum.
Expected to work like a man in office, yet worries for the children's future.
Woe to being a modern wife.
Knowing sexual needs yet cannot bring it all up after all a hard days work and hard night chores.
Woe to being a modern lady.
Experienced life but therefore need to be all rounder - beautiful, immaculate yet able to deal with housechores like magic.
This is Christmas 2007. A bitter one.
With so much freedom, comes so much responsibility.
Woe to being a modern mum.
Expected to work like a man in office, yet worries for the children's future.
Woe to being a modern wife.
Knowing sexual needs yet cannot bring it all up after all a hard days work and hard night chores.
Woe to being a modern lady.
Experienced life but therefore need to be all rounder - beautiful, immaculate yet able to deal with housechores like magic.
This is Christmas 2007. A bitter one.
Wise words
My niece just finished her GCE 'O' levels examinations and during this holiday, she starts work at the airport. Her mum complains about how late she gets home. Knocking off at 11.30pm and reaching home at 12.15am. The daughter says that her mum is paranoid. The mum says it's so dangerous for a young girl to be home so late alone and they are not depending on her to bring home the dough. Mum kept nagging on about her nonchalant attitude towards safety.
I remembered my teenage years. Those days were when there's identity crisis and curfews to deal with.. and my cinderella cut off time? unrealistic 11.30pm - then I thought. I needed to work to feed myself then so I really felt that my parents were unreasonable. There were events I had to attend and they always end late. I had only teenage sense (which is equivalent to no-sense) at that time and was raving mad at my parents.
I thank God that I had a good friend who is slightly older and wise. He told me to that trust from my parents needed to be earned.
Feeling upset that he didn't understand that I was earning my keeps and that gave me the (false) rights to take control of my time. However, as his wise words sunk into my thick head, it made perfect sense. I somewhat managed to convince my parents with the details of my work and things I am doing out there. They started to give me more control of my own time and began to be less intrusive.
These set of words goes a long way. At work, I started to appreciate how I handled my parents and applied to my bosses, job interviews, sales calls....
Coming back to my niece, I said the same thing to her. She appeared irritated too but well, let's hope these wise words passes on.
I remembered my teenage years. Those days were when there's identity crisis and curfews to deal with.. and my cinderella cut off time? unrealistic 11.30pm - then I thought. I needed to work to feed myself then so I really felt that my parents were unreasonable. There were events I had to attend and they always end late. I had only teenage sense (which is equivalent to no-sense) at that time and was raving mad at my parents.
I thank God that I had a good friend who is slightly older and wise. He told me to that trust from my parents needed to be earned.
Feeling upset that he didn't understand that I was earning my keeps and that gave me the (false) rights to take control of my time. However, as his wise words sunk into my thick head, it made perfect sense. I somewhat managed to convince my parents with the details of my work and things I am doing out there. They started to give me more control of my own time and began to be less intrusive.
These set of words goes a long way. At work, I started to appreciate how I handled my parents and applied to my bosses, job interviews, sales calls....
Coming back to my niece, I said the same thing to her. She appeared irritated too but well, let's hope these wise words passes on.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
"Power" Christmas Song
My LJ blog mummy friend put this up in her blog and this song gives me so much memories to Faith AG!
This song never fails to get me all teary. To think that we are like ikan bilis to God but yet He gave us the best Christmas gift.
This song is probably one of the most inspiring whenever I feel really depress, feeling thoroughly like the man hung, crying in the rain. Because of His love, I walk on with loads of strength.
Jin's blog
We Are The Reason
David Meece
As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives
We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love
I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him
He is my reason to live
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei8QF40luzc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITYx4QhIEWs&feature=related
This song never fails to get me all teary. To think that we are like ikan bilis to God but yet He gave us the best Christmas gift.
This song is probably one of the most inspiring whenever I feel really depress, feeling thoroughly like the man hung, crying in the rain. Because of His love, I walk on with loads of strength.
Jin's blog
We Are The Reason
David Meece
As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives
We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love
I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him
He is my reason to live
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei8QF40luzc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITYx4QhIEWs&feature=related
Saturday, November 17, 2007
New York City revisit...
New York City this time feels like a totally different experience from the last time I was here.
My colleague who was here with me, gave me all the insights to shopping. REAL shopping. Century 21, Macy's, H&M.. her choices of designer tags for shoes, bags, clothes. She demostrated how heavenly NYC is for shopping. I totally agree with her!
After she left, my hubby joined me. He had packed all the NYC's sightseeing areas. From downtown - where Chelsea, Greenwich Village, Little Italy, Little Chinatown. To uptown - All the huge buildings of BIG brands at 5th Avenue are ... the architechure of it all blows me off.
Midtown is where we stay and Central (train) Station is. click, click, click.
Central Park walked through, Metropolitan Museum of Art toured, MOMA seen from outside. Rockefella is so different from Empire.
Yeah, we sure did a lot in 1.5 day.
That's all for now for NYC.
Next - Philadelphia, here we come.
My colleague who was here with me, gave me all the insights to shopping. REAL shopping. Century 21, Macy's, H&M.. her choices of designer tags for shoes, bags, clothes. She demostrated how heavenly NYC is for shopping. I totally agree with her!
After she left, my hubby joined me. He had packed all the NYC's sightseeing areas. From downtown - where Chelsea, Greenwich Village, Little Italy, Little Chinatown. To uptown - All the huge buildings of BIG brands at 5th Avenue are ... the architechure of it all blows me off.
Midtown is where we stay and Central (train) Station is. click, click, click.
Central Park walked through, Metropolitan Museum of Art toured, MOMA seen from outside. Rockefella is so different from Empire.
Yeah, we sure did a lot in 1.5 day.
That's all for now for NYC.
Next - Philadelphia, here we come.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
For Nathan
I feel bad for spending the day being laden by marital woes yesterday when I really
should be celebrating Nathan's actual 10th birtday.
10 years ago, blogging and phototaking has not birth but my son had.
10 years ago, if I had invested what I did in my son, I could be rich - materially but not spiritually, emotional and all intangible benefits where I don't know how to start describing.
10 years ago, I look at the wailing infant and wonder if he'd ever grow up. This kid certainly did. Brilliantly too - all mums are bias.
22nd Oct 1997...
Woke up at 7ish morning to kiss Daddy whilst he got ready to go to work. Lie down and dig face in pillow to get a few minutes more to laze. Little did I know that was the last morning for several years I could do the same.
8.30am - wash up and read a book. There were never really hunger pangs whilst having you.
10am - got ready for Gynae check today. We are seeing Suresh Nair at KK hospital almost every week now cos you are now about 39 weeks in gestation. You are not as active but I reckon it's because you are getting bigger and there's little room for you to move in there.
11.15am - there should be a lot of babies this year, judging from the usual 2-3 hours wait before I get a 20mins consultatation from Dr Nair. Oh, Jenny (Dr Nair's nurse) called and it's our turn!
I casually mentioned that you weren't as active as before and wanted him to give me the affirmation that it's normal. He kept quiet which is not his norm. Then, he looked at me and asked if I'm ready. Wow, so this is it?
He told me to prepare and be back at 2.30pm, the first thing I did was call your Daddy (on public phone). Since he's in a fluster, I gave specifics - to go home and change first, bring my already pre-pack bag and meet me at 2.30pm.
12pm - I took the shuttle bus to Bugis Junction and ordered lunch. We had a hearty meal, a bowl of black chicken soup and claypot rice. I did a little window shopping to try to calm my excitement.
I know that life would be different but was curious how much changes could it be. I wondered random things... How you look like - the scans were black patches and honestly, I see nothing. If I could slim down after that. If I could breastfeed you successfully. If you had hair. If you were fair like Daddy or darker like me. If I could do normal delivery. If you'd have good friends.
2.15pm - called Daddy and he's on the way. I told him I'd wait for him at the register counter.
He arrived and we did the paper work and stuff. I was told to go into the pre-maternity ward and was strapped down and linked to a machine that will monitor your hearbeat. I was then told by the nurse that she will insert a pill into me to induce birth.
My heart stopped for a minute. Why wasn't this explained earlier? Okay, I didn't ask cos I was swallow in the knowledge of giving birth but not totally ignorant!
Anyway, after the initial confusion and feeling let down. I let myself be cool about the entire situation. With the machine making rhythmic beeping sound, my lunch digesting.. I er.. slept. All I can say is that I know that I'm in good hands.
Poor Daddy had to wait outside restlessly and I'm not sure if he had lunch or not!
6ish evening - the nurse informed that if I had any contractions yet. I am aching from being strapped on for a few hours and had not felt anything else so groggily I asked "how does contraction feel like?". She looked pretty peeved before she went out. It was honestly a genuine question. She could have been more obliging.
They are pushing me to the delivery suite. Newly renovated, beautiful equipments and very comfy atmosphere.
A pair of handsome couple walked in and they told me that they are going to check me. Whispering that I was 4cm dilating. I felt pretty uncomfortable that these housemen checking my *ahem*. so I asked if Dr Suresh is here anytime soon. They just gave a silly smile and mumbled yes or something. I was there thinking that why do I need all these people to check me when I paid for a specialist Gynae.
Sometime later, a midwife came in to check and grunted that I'm dilating increasingly. Oh well, I thought that was a breeze, I had no contraction yet but I'm dilating!
*Nathan, you may not understand it now, you will when your wife tells you about it.*
She carried on her normal routine checks and then turn to daddy and told him to go for his dinner first. Giving birth takes a long time. Quite unlike movies eh?
And he did but promptly came back with newspaper, almost like in less than half an hour.
I feel a slight ache from spine but had no idea if it was due the earlier condition of being strapped.
8ish evening, I smell trouble when this midwife comes in. She swiftly did her routine and push out the drip. Before I know it, she held my left hand started poking. It hurt really bad! So bad that I teared involuntarily. I SWEAR! then the darn nurse said "cry what, later give birth more painful ah". At that moment, I felt like screaming at her but I didn't.
After several pokes to get the drip into my system, the needle was crooked which means the thin flesh and never below felt really twisted and the pain is excruciating. Before I could recover from that, she asked if I've pee-ed. I gave a questioning "huh" but does not mean no. She promptly shoved a tube into me and got the urine out. It's really painful and it also felt degrading. I screamed at her for being so rough and also gave her a piece of my mind cos I'm in such a pain before the actual contraction that I lost my mind.. and temper.
She looked as if she's deaf but walked out with my pee. I bet she had a smirk on her face.
Aftermath, another pair of interns came in. This time, I shouted at them as I could no longer stand being abused and lying there and could do nothing. I tried to close my legs and told them to get out. The only next person I want to see is Dr Nair, whom I've paid as a specialist not a consultant. Which means, I should not have been treated that way!
They had no choice but to walk off and daddy just quietly ask me not to offend people in the hospital.
Dr Nair came in, looking fresh and all. He asked in his smooth voice if I was alright, I was tempted to rant but I did not. I just asked how long more. He checked and congratulated me for being 10cm dilated. I told him that I felt some pain from spine and he says that that's contraction building up. I remembered my epidural and asked for it. He says that it's too late to administer and I should have ask for it earlier. If I had known what to ask for, I would have known how to deliver! I could now only live on gas (and the drip that was still hurting real bad).
10plus..night. The contractions were coming in very strong. So very strong. Daddy took out his little book and remind me of the breathing techniques. Honestly, in desperate times like this, all I could do was mindless. They ask me to breathe gas, I breathe and the spasms of pain pass through whilst I was "high" on the gas as I was not allowed to push you out yet.
The contractions duration became shorter, the pain more intense each time. The temptation to push was so strong.
Finally, at one point, I was denied of the gas and was asked to push you. You are ready.
The next thing I know, you slipped out and Dr Nair showed me a glimpse of you and your *ahem* to make sure you are the boy we've been expecting. I thought they were going to give me the gooey looking you. They cleaned you up whilst daddy gave me assurance that I did well.
They wrapped you up in a little bundle and pass to me. The first thing I said to you is, why are you so wrinkled up. haha. You really looked like an old person.
the nurse curtly told me to start latching you on so that you will learn to suckle and my breast will condition to nurse.
so there, that's how it was my labour day and your amazing entrance to our family.
Cheers to you and may there be many more celebrations to come.
should be celebrating Nathan's actual 10th birtday.
10 years ago, blogging and phototaking has not birth but my son had.
10 years ago, if I had invested what I did in my son, I could be rich - materially but not spiritually, emotional and all intangible benefits where I don't know how to start describing.
10 years ago, I look at the wailing infant and wonder if he'd ever grow up. This kid certainly did. Brilliantly too - all mums are bias.
22nd Oct 1997...
Woke up at 7ish morning to kiss Daddy whilst he got ready to go to work. Lie down and dig face in pillow to get a few minutes more to laze. Little did I know that was the last morning for several years I could do the same.
8.30am - wash up and read a book. There were never really hunger pangs whilst having you.
10am - got ready for Gynae check today. We are seeing Suresh Nair at KK hospital almost every week now cos you are now about 39 weeks in gestation. You are not as active but I reckon it's because you are getting bigger and there's little room for you to move in there.
11.15am - there should be a lot of babies this year, judging from the usual 2-3 hours wait before I get a 20mins consultatation from Dr Nair. Oh, Jenny (Dr Nair's nurse) called and it's our turn!
I casually mentioned that you weren't as active as before and wanted him to give me the affirmation that it's normal. He kept quiet which is not his norm. Then, he looked at me and asked if I'm ready. Wow, so this is it?
He told me to prepare and be back at 2.30pm, the first thing I did was call your Daddy (on public phone). Since he's in a fluster, I gave specifics - to go home and change first, bring my already pre-pack bag and meet me at 2.30pm.
12pm - I took the shuttle bus to Bugis Junction and ordered lunch. We had a hearty meal, a bowl of black chicken soup and claypot rice. I did a little window shopping to try to calm my excitement.
I know that life would be different but was curious how much changes could it be. I wondered random things... How you look like - the scans were black patches and honestly, I see nothing. If I could slim down after that. If I could breastfeed you successfully. If you had hair. If you were fair like Daddy or darker like me. If I could do normal delivery. If you'd have good friends.
2.15pm - called Daddy and he's on the way. I told him I'd wait for him at the register counter.
He arrived and we did the paper work and stuff. I was told to go into the pre-maternity ward and was strapped down and linked to a machine that will monitor your hearbeat. I was then told by the nurse that she will insert a pill into me to induce birth.
My heart stopped for a minute. Why wasn't this explained earlier? Okay, I didn't ask cos I was swallow in the knowledge of giving birth but not totally ignorant!
Anyway, after the initial confusion and feeling let down. I let myself be cool about the entire situation. With the machine making rhythmic beeping sound, my lunch digesting.. I er.. slept. All I can say is that I know that I'm in good hands.
Poor Daddy had to wait outside restlessly and I'm not sure if he had lunch or not!
6ish evening - the nurse informed that if I had any contractions yet. I am aching from being strapped on for a few hours and had not felt anything else so groggily I asked "how does contraction feel like?". She looked pretty peeved before she went out. It was honestly a genuine question. She could have been more obliging.
They are pushing me to the delivery suite. Newly renovated, beautiful equipments and very comfy atmosphere.
A pair of handsome couple walked in and they told me that they are going to check me. Whispering that I was 4cm dilating. I felt pretty uncomfortable that these housemen checking my *ahem*. so I asked if Dr Suresh is here anytime soon. They just gave a silly smile and mumbled yes or something. I was there thinking that why do I need all these people to check me when I paid for a specialist Gynae.
Sometime later, a midwife came in to check and grunted that I'm dilating increasingly. Oh well, I thought that was a breeze, I had no contraction yet but I'm dilating!
*Nathan, you may not understand it now, you will when your wife tells you about it.*
She carried on her normal routine checks and then turn to daddy and told him to go for his dinner first. Giving birth takes a long time. Quite unlike movies eh?
And he did but promptly came back with newspaper, almost like in less than half an hour.
I feel a slight ache from spine but had no idea if it was due the earlier condition of being strapped.
8ish evening, I smell trouble when this midwife comes in. She swiftly did her routine and push out the drip. Before I know it, she held my left hand started poking. It hurt really bad! So bad that I teared involuntarily. I SWEAR! then the darn nurse said "cry what, later give birth more painful ah". At that moment, I felt like screaming at her but I didn't.
After several pokes to get the drip into my system, the needle was crooked which means the thin flesh and never below felt really twisted and the pain is excruciating. Before I could recover from that, she asked if I've pee-ed. I gave a questioning "huh" but does not mean no. She promptly shoved a tube into me and got the urine out. It's really painful and it also felt degrading. I screamed at her for being so rough and also gave her a piece of my mind cos I'm in such a pain before the actual contraction that I lost my mind.. and temper.
She looked as if she's deaf but walked out with my pee. I bet she had a smirk on her face.
Aftermath, another pair of interns came in. This time, I shouted at them as I could no longer stand being abused and lying there and could do nothing. I tried to close my legs and told them to get out. The only next person I want to see is Dr Nair, whom I've paid as a specialist not a consultant. Which means, I should not have been treated that way!
They had no choice but to walk off and daddy just quietly ask me not to offend people in the hospital.
Dr Nair came in, looking fresh and all. He asked in his smooth voice if I was alright, I was tempted to rant but I did not. I just asked how long more. He checked and congratulated me for being 10cm dilated. I told him that I felt some pain from spine and he says that that's contraction building up. I remembered my epidural and asked for it. He says that it's too late to administer and I should have ask for it earlier. If I had known what to ask for, I would have known how to deliver! I could now only live on gas (and the drip that was still hurting real bad).
10plus..night. The contractions were coming in very strong. So very strong. Daddy took out his little book and remind me of the breathing techniques. Honestly, in desperate times like this, all I could do was mindless. They ask me to breathe gas, I breathe and the spasms of pain pass through whilst I was "high" on the gas as I was not allowed to push you out yet.
The contractions duration became shorter, the pain more intense each time. The temptation to push was so strong.
Finally, at one point, I was denied of the gas and was asked to push you. You are ready.
The next thing I know, you slipped out and Dr Nair showed me a glimpse of you and your *ahem* to make sure you are the boy we've been expecting. I thought they were going to give me the gooey looking you. They cleaned you up whilst daddy gave me assurance that I did well.
They wrapped you up in a little bundle and pass to me. The first thing I said to you is, why are you so wrinkled up. haha. You really looked like an old person.
the nurse curtly told me to start latching you on so that you will learn to suckle and my breast will condition to nurse.
so there, that's how it was my labour day and your amazing entrance to our family.
Cheers to you and may there be many more celebrations to come.
Monday, October 22, 2007
about marital fights
we've been doing alot of verbal fights these days between us. I hate it but I've been trying my utmost best to ignore it. It's been like for 8 months already.
Perhaps because there is a bugging resentment in me and when I say it, he does not want to acknowledge it at all.
My temperament is always been on the hot side. To me, I've been calming that alot, it takes enormous effort to do it but he expects it and I do have the feeling that he takes it for granted and does not appreciate.
On top of that, he always gives me the feeling that I can choose to be flexible in my job arrangement. It really does not matter to me to give more to the family but don't treat it like I'm a full time homemaker! I resent the fact that I'm doing everything and contributing to the dough too.
His priority differs alot from me. To him, he is already giving me support by fetching me to the run. But my brother in law not only sends his wife there, when they saw her coming in, they were cheering for her excitedly. Me, I was all alone when I came in and broke into cold sweat cos of my tummy ache and he wasn't there. I was very disappointed and I kept a straight face throughout the entire day and brushed it off my mind till he mentioned that he saw his sisters coming in only after he saw his brother cheering in his wife. I then mentioned that I was really sad that he and the kids was not there, what he answered could have made me fume but i didn't. He said:
1) he did not know where the end point was - hello, I wasn't the first participant to come in, who is he kidding?
2) he had to bring the kids to eat breakfast. He knows that I won't blame him if it's anything to do with kids.
3) he had to go through the science work my nephew had done. At the run? I pity his nephew and wonder why he had to do it during that time.
4) It's hard to lug 3 kids around. Saying as if they were only toddlers, I don't buy this.
I give up hoping, in fact, if I hadn't. I won't be able to sleep with him. Perhaps I have too much expectation. Perhaps I wished he had cared a little more and don't give excuses when he did not.
For now, I'm trying to focus on his plus points so that I can appreciate him more than resenting.
Perhaps because there is a bugging resentment in me and when I say it, he does not want to acknowledge it at all.
My temperament is always been on the hot side. To me, I've been calming that alot, it takes enormous effort to do it but he expects it and I do have the feeling that he takes it for granted and does not appreciate.
On top of that, he always gives me the feeling that I can choose to be flexible in my job arrangement. It really does not matter to me to give more to the family but don't treat it like I'm a full time homemaker! I resent the fact that I'm doing everything and contributing to the dough too.
His priority differs alot from me. To him, he is already giving me support by fetching me to the run. But my brother in law not only sends his wife there, when they saw her coming in, they were cheering for her excitedly. Me, I was all alone when I came in and broke into cold sweat cos of my tummy ache and he wasn't there. I was very disappointed and I kept a straight face throughout the entire day and brushed it off my mind till he mentioned that he saw his sisters coming in only after he saw his brother cheering in his wife. I then mentioned that I was really sad that he and the kids was not there, what he answered could have made me fume but i didn't. He said:
1) he did not know where the end point was - hello, I wasn't the first participant to come in, who is he kidding?
2) he had to bring the kids to eat breakfast. He knows that I won't blame him if it's anything to do with kids.
3) he had to go through the science work my nephew had done. At the run? I pity his nephew and wonder why he had to do it during that time.
4) It's hard to lug 3 kids around. Saying as if they were only toddlers, I don't buy this.
I give up hoping, in fact, if I hadn't. I won't be able to sleep with him. Perhaps I have too much expectation. Perhaps I wished he had cared a little more and don't give excuses when he did not.
For now, I'm trying to focus on his plus points so that I can appreciate him more than resenting.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
New York, New York..
So it's approved and all confirmed. I'd be working on an event next month in Manhattan and work in the office for a couple of days... then it's holiday!
And hubby is coming to join me for this trip. We'd be roaming Times Square, fifth Avenue, central park. Visit MOMA, go up Rockefella centre and perhaps attend a broadway play. He would be doing the liberty cruise, perhaps go to Empire State Building, check out Gound zero near my overseas office on the days when I'm working. We hope to find White Castle joint to see the rave about the square shaped burger.
That's only the first part, we'd head down to Philadelphia, Washington DC then to Buffalo to see the famous beautiful Niagara falls. I'm really excited!
PLUS! we'd be in time for the madness sale at the outlets just after their thanksgiving holiday! I sure hope everything works out perfect.
And hubby is coming to join me for this trip. We'd be roaming Times Square, fifth Avenue, central park. Visit MOMA, go up Rockefella centre and perhaps attend a broadway play. He would be doing the liberty cruise, perhaps go to Empire State Building, check out Gound zero near my overseas office on the days when I'm working. We hope to find White Castle joint to see the rave about the square shaped burger.
That's only the first part, we'd head down to Philadelphia, Washington DC then to Buffalo to see the famous beautiful Niagara falls. I'm really excited!
PLUS! we'd be in time for the madness sale at the outlets just after their thanksgiving holiday! I sure hope everything works out perfect.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
kids questions
I am trying out the telecommunting scheme every Wednesdays. Last week, I had breakfast with my girl and she asks the strangest questions.
- Why do babies die in the stomach?
Her question took me quite by surprise and after answering her. It got me thinking on how I just wanted a normal, healthy baby then and how I've progress to demand so much more from her now. There are times like this that brings me back to the equilibrium. What are the essential moral education and when will it be too much to ask when I try to push her to do more than she wants to. I could be too loop sided sometimes in trying to think that it's their potential but I need to be more sensitive in not going on to lose the bond over the eagerness for their success.
When I asks why the question, it's apparently just another topic her friends and her discussed.
hmmm....
Then, my son asks me yet another strange question after our jog last evening.
- Do you put money in CPF?
- How do you do so?
- How do those who has their own business put money in CPF?
I thought it strange since it really doesn't affect a 10 year old very much. This is more factual so it's much easily tackled. He shrugged when asked why the questions, saying that there are just this hype over CPF monies and he just wanted to know the basis of it.
It's times like this I am amaze how "grown" they are and they are really thinking kids, not babies anymore. At 10 and 7, they curiosity and attitude are at the next level.
wow.
- Why do babies die in the stomach?
Her question took me quite by surprise and after answering her. It got me thinking on how I just wanted a normal, healthy baby then and how I've progress to demand so much more from her now. There are times like this that brings me back to the equilibrium. What are the essential moral education and when will it be too much to ask when I try to push her to do more than she wants to. I could be too loop sided sometimes in trying to think that it's their potential but I need to be more sensitive in not going on to lose the bond over the eagerness for their success.
When I asks why the question, it's apparently just another topic her friends and her discussed.
hmmm....
Then, my son asks me yet another strange question after our jog last evening.
- Do you put money in CPF?
- How do you do so?
- How do those who has their own business put money in CPF?
I thought it strange since it really doesn't affect a 10 year old very much. This is more factual so it's much easily tackled. He shrugged when asked why the questions, saying that there are just this hype over CPF monies and he just wanted to know the basis of it.
It's times like this I am amaze how "grown" they are and they are really thinking kids, not babies anymore. At 10 and 7, they curiosity and attitude are at the next level.
wow.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
look-a-like meter
my sis put this up and I thought it'd be quite fun too to try to do the matching..
I have stronger genes?
I have stronger genes?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
On controversial topic
A colleague (also a fellow bro-in-christ) sent me an email he had sent to his friend/cousin on coming out his closet.
His friend referred to this blog http://theonlinecitizen.com/2007/09/10/toc-exclusive-otto-fongs-open-letter/which inspired him to be silent no longer about his sexual identity.
I once posted a blog on how disgusted I felt on the award winning movie, brokeback mountain and hurt a fellow blogger unwittyly. In all honesty, I had no malicious intentions. I just unleash personal thoughts and feelings about the film. And I have real life gay friends and we respect each other.
Am I considered shallow to not understand/befriend and (or even try to) accept homo or bi sexual? Am I term as "self righteous" and believe that God has had made man and woman but do not confuse either. It's always yay or nay, in or out, this or that. Not wishy washy half hearted or in betweens.
To put into some perspective of similar sin
I don't accept my luke warm attitude towards my faith too and it's digusting to be worldly christian. However, because I recognise that, I seek to be better and hope to be proud to face the God I serve when the day comes.
I believe it's a sin (as according to bible) but I sin everyday too. Sin is still ... sin. I am not above them not feel that I am more righteous than them.
My colleague correctly wrote about this topic "To a Christian being gay is like someone who is ill. We hate the disease but love the person. I believe once a gay person accepts Christ as his savior and Lord, and knows he is made righteous with God not by his own works, but by God's own works, the gay person will be healed. Jesus' blood continually washes the believer of all sins. A gay person once accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and savior will be forever saved, even when he is still a gay. But I believe his healing is not far off. In a way, God is the only true friend of a gay person. The world will never give grace and mercy to a sinner - any sinner, not just gay."
This has also open my understanding to partly why there is exasperation towards my bs group. Thank God for his wisdom.
His friend referred to this blog http://theonlinecitizen.com/2007/09/10/toc-exclusive-otto-fongs-open-letter/which inspired him to be silent no longer about his sexual identity.
I once posted a blog on how disgusted I felt on the award winning movie, brokeback mountain and hurt a fellow blogger unwittyly. In all honesty, I had no malicious intentions. I just unleash personal thoughts and feelings about the film. And I have real life gay friends and we respect each other.
Am I considered shallow to not understand/befriend and (or even try to) accept homo or bi sexual? Am I term as "self righteous" and believe that God has had made man and woman but do not confuse either. It's always yay or nay, in or out, this or that. Not wishy washy half hearted or in betweens.
To put into some perspective of similar sin
I don't accept my luke warm attitude towards my faith too and it's digusting to be worldly christian. However, because I recognise that, I seek to be better and hope to be proud to face the God I serve when the day comes.
I believe it's a sin (as according to bible) but I sin everyday too. Sin is still ... sin. I am not above them not feel that I am more righteous than them.
My colleague correctly wrote about this topic "To a Christian being gay is like someone who is ill. We hate the disease but love the person. I believe once a gay person accepts Christ as his savior and Lord, and knows he is made righteous with God not by his own works, but by God's own works, the gay person will be healed. Jesus' blood continually washes the believer of all sins. A gay person once accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and savior will be forever saved, even when he is still a gay. But I believe his healing is not far off. In a way, God is the only true friend of a gay person. The world will never give grace and mercy to a sinner - any sinner, not just gay."
This has also open my understanding to partly why there is exasperation towards my bs group. Thank God for his wisdom.
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