when I first started writing dairies, it was filled with unhappiness, fears, wishful thinkings, sad moments, depressing thoughts ... lesser of the happier moments.



I tried to keep blogs to track happy occasions, rounding up of what had happened..lesser of darker side.



Last week was practically a real testing one. On Monday, the hubby was not feeling well and I got all the frustrastion banged on me and I was really crushed to know that he sees me alot lesser than what I thought I was to him.

Then, my brother and his mother had some argument over the girl staying over --> paying of utilities etc. his mother actually said that monthly expediture is S$1k!

Meanwhile, the girl stated a fb comment that set me all fury. Me being quick and hot, had a huge bickering session with my brother and his mother. It was all seemingly well at the end of the day but it spelt the end my cordial relationship with his mother.

It may just as well be good riddence. But I do have feelings and does feel awful about it all, not because of retribution or whatever. It's more the guilt towards my father, I felt so bad about not doing enough for him when he was alive. And also my Christian living, by upholding all other virtures, this forgiveness to render can take away my entire earthly happiness - and I ain't joking at all. It might as well drain my soul, my strength, my breathe.. and love which only Christ can give.

Then, on thursday, work this time got into me. I could not bear the unsupportive boss's comments and give him a nasty shot of answer, I could almost see smoke fizzing out of his head. Something I would never have done in the past. But I am really at my wits end on the tons of issue and work on my plate that I could not mince my words before it's out.





---- after all the above said, I was totally humbled by James 1:19; quick to listen, slow to speak (hurting words) and slow to anger.

Life's like that...

Besides some white hairs that persists on my head. I sometimes get into self denial that I'm in my 30s. Well, there is always little harm to think you are 28 as long as I behave resonably mature... err, right?

Then, I am slap with the reality with two instances and am reminded and a little more persuaded that I have grown wiser being in the 30s.

1st incident:
The exits from the trains are mostly on the right side of the station and makes the train station at Pasir ris more crowded on the right than left. I wanted to top up the value of my transport card when I realised that the woman 3 persons before me ain't getting no where. I quickly take a peek on the other side and saw no persons blocking and made my way there. It takes approx 8 mins to finish the transaction of topping up. At the 6th min, the lady in her 20s whom was queuing before me came to my left side machine to get her single trip refund. Her friend chided her for not coming to that side earlier (I then was about to turn and saw the other side still as crowded and people does not want to leave the queue to get their transaction done on our side). Then the lady in her 20s replied with loads of pride and slightly raised voice.
"well, some gals have boobs and some have brains, I rather be the one who has boobs."
Alrighty then, my head was replying : I'd have both, thanks very much.
That's is what women of 30s wisely thinks.

2nd incident:
one popular joke about ugly women was this guy went for a blind date and the partner turned up rather unpleasant to the eye. He sat there gentlemanly and down 4 glasses and beer. With each beer, the date becomes prettier and prettier. At the 4th glass, the date has great figure and celebrity looks.
I was standing in a peak hour MRT cabin when 3 .. well, boys in their 20s decided to boost how much they know about gals. Because it was crowded, my back was turn against them. But they were right behind me and spoke pretty loudly.
They lament that with the selection they have, how would they be able to procreate *ahem*. One commented that he has to get himself drunk everyday to get himself to bed with his wife if that's the case. Another then described the joke (as above) to another whom sounds like a Thai.
On the 3rd station, I managed to get a seat and as I sat, I faced them. Alas, they should really look themselves in the mirror. Like Piggy in the journey to the west, a chinese proverbs says: Piggy stares at the mirror, inside and outside is not human. Same thing applies to these boys in their 20s. Please, you are no hunk nor sauve. Nerd, pimply, stout and bad fashion sense - the girls you get suits you well. Thank you very much.

My hubby is watching Pursuit for happyness and I realised that it is the best show to play for Father's Day next week. They can comprehend the child care Christopher (the young boy) goes to, the exasperation Chris Garner felt, the love he wants to give his kid. My hub is feeling all that now.

funny how we turned out

15 years ago, when pondorosa was a common place to date. This friend,G, brought me to view the panaromic view of Singapore from Swissotel, then this hotel was by some other name. He asked me if I could be his special girl. I could not recipocate and felt really really really bad telling him I could not. Because he was really a nice guy and gave me tons of encouragements when I was down. No, I never regretted us not being together. And yes, we are still friends after that. Afterall, we really almost grew up in the same family church.

After I move out of that church, there was a few times we met but was not really able to chat. We had the opportunity to stand by the roadside and spend an hour sharing each others lives yesterday. He just finished a project for the company I'm employed and I just returned to the same company after a year out.
There were some mutual friends we brought up during our conversation. And we had to admit that it was strange how some of us took on vocations that is totally..... unexpected.

to digress a little.. it made me recall how I had a huge crush on friend, J that many moons ago. He was then a promising and talented pianist, I loved his humour - I doubt he could share mine cos I was not very vocal at that time. He had lotsa charisma (my opinion) and he also sings really well. Come to think of it, it is easier to swoon girls with great singing skills... right??
Anyhow, he didn't like me the way lovers do, I was just a friend, a good friend. He blatantly tells me that when we are older, we would laugh about how, you know, we did not get together. I did not think it was gonna be that way then. Not that I was bitter.. really. I thought being 30 is old and I'll never reach that age fast enough. haha.
Oh, I still treasure the drawing of a cartoon of me.. He remains now a sweet friend of mine. We were never soulmates anyway. Hope to meet up with him in USA when I visit the place.

there is also M, who is a dear, dear, dear friend of mine. He is so ever cynical and have all sort of weird ideas. We are not so in touch now but i have tons of memories of the way things were.

So there, we have now friends (some may be distant friend) who are pastor, entrepenuer, MNC employee, MOE teacher, SAHM, rich sales person, church worker, designer, lawyer, immigrants in USA/Australia....

some of us who did not know what be inspire, some of us are already what we inspired to be...

edit:

here is the pic which I still have from J.