Which parents on earth would not give anything to have their children safe, healthy and free from troubles.
My heart crack into million pieces when my son (finally) blurted out last night when his emotions kicked in real bad - on how he hates being zero on gross motor skills thus he needs to be hero on his studies.
Man, it's hard to hear it from him that he hates all these operations, how he strives to do (very) well in his studies to comfort himself from the hurting (albeit probably unintentional) words that he is lousy at sports. And now, the operation on his right hand forbidded him to write.
How he loves watching and reading 'sister's keeper' as he could relate himself to Kate. My poor son.
yet, i can do nothing. my heart squeezed and my tears might as well be the blood that's pumping out from the arteries.
Thank God we have Him. In times like this, what can we do? how do we heal? how do we find encouragement and strength?
Friday, March 26, 2010
Monday, March 01, 2010
when I first started writing dairies, it was filled with unhappiness, fears, wishful thinkings, sad moments, depressing thoughts ... lesser of the happier moments.
I tried to keep blogs to track happy occasions, rounding up of what had happened..lesser of darker side.
Last week was practically a real testing one. On Monday, the hubby was not feeling well and I got all the frustrastion banged on me and I was really crushed to know that he sees me alot lesser than what I thought I was to him.
Then, my brother and his mother had some argument over the girl staying over --> paying of utilities etc. his mother actually said that monthly expediture is S$1k!
Meanwhile, the girl stated a fb comment that set me all fury. Me being quick and hot, had a huge bickering session with my brother and his mother. It was all seemingly well at the end of the day but it spelt the end my cordial relationship with his mother.
It may just as well be good riddence. But I do have feelings and does feel awful about it all, not because of retribution or whatever. It's more the guilt towards my father, I felt so bad about not doing enough for him when he was alive. And also my Christian living, by upholding all other virtures, this forgiveness to render can take away my entire earthly happiness - and I ain't joking at all. It might as well drain my soul, my strength, my breathe.. and love which only Christ can give.
Then, on thursday, work this time got into me. I could not bear the unsupportive boss's comments and give him a nasty shot of answer, I could almost see smoke fizzing out of his head. Something I would never have done in the past. But I am really at my wits end on the tons of issue and work on my plate that I could not mince my words before it's out.
---- after all the above said, I was totally humbled by James 1:19; quick to listen, slow to speak (hurting words) and slow to anger.
I tried to keep blogs to track happy occasions, rounding up of what had happened..lesser of darker side.
Last week was practically a real testing one. On Monday, the hubby was not feeling well and I got all the frustrastion banged on me and I was really crushed to know that he sees me alot lesser than what I thought I was to him.
Then, my brother and his mother had some argument over the girl staying over --> paying of utilities etc. his mother actually said that monthly expediture is S$1k!
Meanwhile, the girl stated a fb comment that set me all fury. Me being quick and hot, had a huge bickering session with my brother and his mother. It was all seemingly well at the end of the day but it spelt the end my cordial relationship with his mother.
It may just as well be good riddence. But I do have feelings and does feel awful about it all, not because of retribution or whatever. It's more the guilt towards my father, I felt so bad about not doing enough for him when he was alive. And also my Christian living, by upholding all other virtures, this forgiveness to render can take away my entire earthly happiness - and I ain't joking at all. It might as well drain my soul, my strength, my breathe.. and love which only Christ can give.
Then, on thursday, work this time got into me. I could not bear the unsupportive boss's comments and give him a nasty shot of answer, I could almost see smoke fizzing out of his head. Something I would never have done in the past. But I am really at my wits end on the tons of issue and work on my plate that I could not mince my words before it's out.
---- after all the above said, I was totally humbled by James 1:19; quick to listen, slow to speak (hurting words) and slow to anger.
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